Small, but Significant, Lifestyle Changes to Help Manage Anxiety

Living with anxiety can be very difficult, but there are some steps you can take that might help. These are day-to-day changes you can make that will help you manage your anxiety.
These strategies are not a miracle cure. Breathing on a mat will not make your problems go away. But it is important to remember that you are not helpless in this fight. While something that worked for one person might not work for you, that does not mean there is nothing that will work for you — or that daily, destructive anxiety is inevitable.
Sometimes a slight change or tweak in our routine can at least make anxiety a bit more manageable. Making small changes also does not replace seeing a therapist or taking medication, if that is what you need.
1. Make Your Bed Every Morning
Making your bed is a way to start your day feeling like you have already accomplished something. Also, no matter how bad the day is, you have something nice to come home to.

2. Keeping Your Phone on Silent
Keep your phone on silent. Anxiety can come from sudden phone calls that causes you more anxiety/drama/stress.

3. Open up to Others About Your Anxiety
Being open and honest about your anxiety can reduce it. Sometimes, telling people you need to leave an area or take a break or give you space can make the difference.

4. Spending Less Time on SocialMedia/Limit Screen Time Take temporary social media breaks by uninstalling social media apps. Sometimes anxiety rises because people tend to compare their life to others highlight reel and it can do a number on your self-esteem.
Try not to reach for your phone first thing in the morning. Replace reaching for your phone with spending time with pets or appreciating the morning silence.
Take a complete day where you switch off. No phone, internet or leaving the house. Take a full day recharge,

5. Say No
Be honest and tell people no. Saying ‘maybe’ doesn’t help. We all have limits on what we can do. If you can do something, you will but it is OK to say No.

6. Use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques
Here’s one technique; Try to objectively reflect on and assess your day. For example, think about what happened that day and rate how good the day was. Be able to provide ‘evidence’ from the day to back up your rating. Since anxiety can convince you that you had a bad day, make it concrete by reflecting on the specific goals you did meet and the specific things you did accomplish and the specific little surprises that were positive. Your attitude towards the day can improve. It can cut down on how often you claim I had a bad day. You will be able to tell if it was just the anxiety or a bad day. There are apps you can use to track how you rated your days so you can see patterns and you can visually see that you are actually having more good days than bad ones.

7. Start a Mindfulness Practice
Yoga and meditation! Mindfulness can be really helpful; it helps you stay in the present moment. Focusing on your breathing can help you stay grounded.
Anxiety is often so future-focused about what may or may not happen. Mindfulness and gratitude keep you in the moment and help you appreciate what you already have.
You can use a few guided meditation apps and meditate twice a day. Once in the morning, and again at night.

8. Write Down Your Schedule/To-Do List
Have a daily planner, or a chalkboard wall, sticky notes, or an app on your phone to make reminders, goals and notes of encouragement more visible.

9. Work Out
Exercise. Simple but slow workouts consistently help manage anxiety

10. Practice Acceptance                                                              Accepting this is part of who I am. It allows you to step back, guilt-free, and helps you let go of how it makes others feel, guilt-free. It may not change the level of anxiety; it only helps takes away the guilt of having it.

11. Cut Toxic People/Things Out of Your Life
Consider dropping all the toxic people in your life. Block. Delete. Unfollow the news and political pages on social media. Without all the toxicity, you will have more time to focus on loving and caring for those who care about you and your well-being.

12. Establish a Bedtime Routine
Established a bedtime routine. This could include, using special lavender soap, taking a bath, reading something inspirational, breathwork, repeating a mantra of positive self-talk journaling. In addition, preparing for the next day by getting items ready, or making a to do list can help you relax and worry less about tomorrow.

13. Journal
Keep a journal to track what was happening when you began to feel yourself getting overwhelmed. Include a list in your journal of grounding techniques, or other self-care ideas.

14. Cut Out Caffeine
Cut out caffeine and drink more water. Not only does it help with anxiety, but it helps to be hydrated.

15. Give Yourself Time in the Morning to Prepare for the Day
Wake up an hour earlier to get some alone and free time in your home before everyone else wakes up.

16. Practice Gratitude
Listing three things you are thankful for every day. Or, when you think of something negative you must stop and think of something you are grateful for. For example, if you had car trouble during the day, you refocus on the help you received from the mechanic to get your car repaired.
-Carol Van Kampen, LMSW

Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/

The Biology of Fear: Fight, Flight, and Beyond

When we sense danger, our bodies are wired to respond. Involuntary signals from our nervous system and brain cause an increase in stress hormones that help prepare us to protect ourselves from the threat. We might notice physical signs including a faster heart-rate, rapid breath, sweating, shaking, or nausea. These are all signs our body is getting ready to respond to the threat in what is typically called the ‘fight or flight’ response, but we have more than those two options.

Observe how squirrels behave when they are crossing a road and a car approaches, and you will see a good example of this response in action. Typically, the animal will stop in its tracks and stay completely still (freeze) until it realizes the better defense is to move out of the way (flight). While this process has a very important purpose when we are actually in physical danger, sometimes the response gets triggered when our brains become conditioned to believe we are unsafe in situations that are not dangerous. This becomes more pronounced if we have an anxiety disorder or history of trauma. For example, if our childhood experiences taught us to avoid an angry parent by staying quiet and agreeable, we might have a fight or flight response at the first sign of conflict as adults.

Identifying Flight or Fight Responses

Fight or flight is more subtle in everyday life, and usually results in a pattern of behavior. Here are how common responses might look like in your life:

Fight: Starting arguments, yelling, lashing out toward others when feeling defensive or ‘attacked’
Flight: Running away or wanting to escape before a conflict can occur, needing to leave the setting during an argument or conflict
Freeze: Shutting down, difficulty speaking, feeling disconnected from surroundings
Fawn: People pleasing, avoiding conflict by going along with things, being ‘good’ and not challenging others

While the biological process that leads to these responses is involuntary, we can learn to change our behavior patterns. This starts with becoming aware of our responses and what triggers us to react in a certain way. Once we have this awareness we can start responding differently. This takes time and is best supported by the help of a licensed mental health professional.
-Laura Gross, LMSW

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-response
Laura Gross is a fully licensed social worker. Contact her at:
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Marsh Psychology Group: 248-860-2024

Adult Attachment Styles

Attachment Theory was first studied in the context of understanding the relationship between an infant and caregiver, and how attachment influences the infant’s chances of survival (Bowlby, 1958). Ideally, the caregiver’s behavior toward the child creates a sense of security. If not, the child can become overly anxious about separation or avoid emotional closeness with the caregiver. But a person’s attachment style affects relationships throughout their life. Here are the different styles of attachment and how they present in adulthood, especially in intimate partner relationships.

Secure Attachment

If your attachment is secure, being close and loving to others come easily. You can openly share your feelings in relationships and know how to respond well to the emotions of others. You welcome intimacy and do not become preoccupied or worry too much about relationships.

Anxious Attachment

If your attachment style is anxious, you also find it easy to be close and experience intimacy. However, you tend to be preoccupied with relationships. You worry about your partner’s feelings toward you and expect to be rejected. You are overly sensitive to your partner’s emotions and moods and take these things personally.

Avoidant Attachment

If you have an avoidant attachment style you have difficulty engaging in intimacy and being close with others. Your partner feels you are emotionally distant, and you worry about the relationship being a threat to your autonomy or independence. You are not sensitive to rejection and often find it easy to deal with ending relationships.

Because our attachment style begins to develop in early infancy, it might seem there is little we can do about it as adults. But attachment can evolve and be affected by experiences we have in relationships throughout our lives. Becoming more aware of how it affects our behavior can help to improve and inform our relationships.

If you notice some of the characteristics of avoidant or anxious attachment in yourself, it can be helpful to work with a therapist on understanding how it affects your relationships and what you can do about it.

-Laura Gross, LMSW

Bowlby, J. (1958). The nature of the child’s tie to his mother. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 39, 350-371

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2011). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find–and keep–love. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin.

Laura Gross is a fully licensed social worker. Contact her at:

lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com

Marsh Psychology Group: 248-860-2024

https://marshpsychologygroup.com/1373-2/

REPRESSED ANGER

Anger is a natural emotion that comes up in response to believing that you’ve been treated unfairly or sometimes that comes up to mask fear or hurt.  However, anger itself tends to be viewed with fear and we are often taught not to express anger or how to do it appropriately.  Because of this, when we feel anger, many times we push it down or explain it away.  When we repress, or don’t express our feelings, eventually they can eat away at us.

EFFECTS OF REPRESSED ANGER

When we repress our anger, it can cause us to feel depression, to overeat, to react to small things with intense anger, or to feel anxiety.  Repressed anger can also lead to fatigue, pain, digestive issues, or difficulty sleeping.  While it might feel scary to truly feel our anger, the consequences of continuing to push it down can be detrimental to our lives.  So how can we express our anger in a healthy way?

WORKING THROUGH REPRESSED ANGER

Step 1:

When you have a chance to be alone, start to really feel the emotions in your body.  Do you feel a tightness in your chest or throat?  Do you feel it in your gut?  Once you start to feel the anger in your body, you can name it or you can say the person’s name who you are feeling anger toward, even swearing while you talk about them.

Step 2:

Once you’ve tapped into your anger, let it out.  Scream.  Scream into a pillow or alone in your car if you need to quiet the sounds.  You can scream about the person you are angry at and say all of the things you wish you could say to their face.  Screaming allows us to use our voice about the event that caused the pain and anger.

Step 3:

In order to help continue to move the anger through your system, punch a pillow, use a pillow to hit the bed, hit the bed with a tennis racket, or any number of ways to get it out of your body safely.  This will help continue your release of anger.

Step 4:

At the end of the release of anger, when you feel ready to be calmer, lie down and allow yourself to feel what is underneath the anger.  Anger is generally a secondary emotion that comes into play when the fear, hurt, grief, or sadness feels too much and we want to cover it up.  Feel whatever comes up, and when you’re ready and you feel you’ve expressed enough anger and other emotion to move past the event, allow yourself to forgive the other person involved.

MOVING FORWARD

Forgiveness allows you to move on from the situation without it having a hold on your life anymore.  You may also feel the need to forgive yourself, for either your part in the situation or for holding onto this event for so long.  Allow the forgiveness to be a marking point in your life of forward movement, when you are ready to live life on your terms and not on the terms of old emotion holding you back.

Remember, if this work feels overwhelming to you or need support moving through this, seek the guidance of a licensed mental health professional.

Julie Lublin, MA , LPC, is a therapist at Marsh Psychology Group. You can reach her at jlublin@marshpsychologygroup.com

What is Codependency?

“Do we really have the right to take care of ourselves? Do we really have the right to set boundaries? Do we really have the right to be direct and say what we need to say? You bet we do.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

I want to talk with you today about Codependency. In researching a definition of codependency, I discovered, there are many ways it has been defined. Here are two of those definitions that stood out to me as most descriptive and accurate.

“Codependency is a psychological condition that is manifested in relationships. Codependents give a great deal more love, care, and respect (LRC) to others than they expect, request, and ultimately receive. Even though codependents are resentful and angry about the LRC inequality, they do not terminate the relationship. If they or their partner does end the relationship, codependents perpetually find themselves on the giving end of a new relationship.” As quoted by Ross Rosenberg from his book “The Human Magnet Syndrome

Mental Health America defines Codependency in the following way,

“Co-dependency is a learned behavior and sometimes it can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.”

Melody Beattie, the author of Codependent No More, defines codependency as, “a codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior”.

Codependency traits often present as difficulties in loving, accepting, trusting, and being true to Self. 

Some Characteristics of Co-Dependent People Are:

• Feeling trapped in abusive/controlling relationships
• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• Needing approval/support from others to feel good about yourself
• Feeling powerless to change destructive relationships
• A tendency to do more than their share, all the time-they prioritize the needs and wellbeing of others over their own needs
• A tendency to become hurt when people do not recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship
• Low self esteem
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Perfectionism
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries-difficulty saying No
• Chronic anger
• People pleasing
• Difficulty making decisions

According to the Author of Codependent No More, Melody Beattie; some of the ways to begin to heal are:

• Self-Awareness: understand you are a codependent and you have an issue
• Accept you have an issue
• Accept yourself and accept your feelings
• Understand you cannot cure or change the dependent
• Detach yourself
• Learn you can listen with empathy without taking on the problems
• Deal with your feelings
• Rebuild your self esteem
• Attend Al-Anon
• Make yourself a priority and take care of yourself

Treatment can include education and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment focuses on helping clients to get in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood, and on exploring family dynamics. The goal is to experience a full range of feelings again, learn to set boundaries and improve assertive self-expression.

If you think you may be codependent, working with a therapist could be helpful. A mental health professional can help you to determine if your behaviors resemble codependency and can help you begin to take steps to heal. A therapist can work with you on any co-occurring mental health issues and help you explore the roots of your behavior. You can begin to learn how to balance your needs with the needs of others.

Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com

cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com

https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/

Dealing with Secondary Trauma

Working with people who are experiencing their own trauma can be difficult day in and day out. Right now, with the pain of a pandemic, as well as an intense political climate, people are experiencing even more personal trauma than normal. If you work in industries where you are trying to support people through difficult circumstances (medical professions, educators, mental health providers, etc.), you may be experiencing secondary traumatic stress.

What is Secondary Traumatic Stress?

Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS) is “the emotional duress that results when an individual hears about the firsthand trauma experiences of another” (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network). STS can lead to burnout, physical illness, low job performance and morale, difficult concentrating and making decisions. It can also lead to a desire to leave your service-related field.

What Can You Do?

Self-care always tops the list as a way to mitigate STS. If you find it difficult to leave your work at work, try to stop at a park or trail on your way home to spend time in nature. Learning mindfulness or meditation can help you remain calm and in-the-moment throughout your day. Setting reminders on your phone to check in with yourself to focus on how you’re feeling, even if only for two minutes, and remember to take deep breaths, can help discharge stress throughout the day.

Check to see if your employer offers support groups, professional development, or mindfulness breaks throughout the day that you could participate in. If they don’t offer any of those, ask your Human Resources department to set something up. You are not alone in how you feel. There are probably many employees where you work that could benefit from those resources.

Remember to enjoy life where you can! Laughter and joy are natural healers and stress relievers. Encourage your co-workers to meet for a social distanced lunch together and talk about fun events that happened outside of work. Organize events that could bring laughter and stress relief to your work day. You are all in this together – remember to share both difficulties and joy.

Finally, reach out for help if your normal stress relieving activities and self care waver. Red flags include, difficulty sleeping, agitation and anxiety, loss of interest in engaging in usually enjoyable activities, social isolation, and increased use of substances to deal with stress. These are signs that the trauma of your work is overloading your brain. Mental health services are available to provide support and process your experiences. Our valued helpers, who give so much, are not immune to needing support and care.

Julie Lublin, MA LPC

Julie Lublin is licensed professional counselor and can be reached at jlublin@marshpsychologygroup.com.