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We live in a society that values things that appear perfect. And I suppose there are things that can be perfect. Architects can draw the perfect straight line, mathematicians can solve an equation with a perfect calculation, and a chocolate cake can be perfectly moist. But as human beings, we can never reach a state […]
We live in a society that values things that appear perfect. And I suppose there are things that can be perfect. Architects can draw the perfect straight line, mathematicians can solve an equation with a perfect calculation, and a chocolate cake can be perfectly moist.
But as human beings, we can never reach a state of perfection because we will always be a work in progress. Perfection indicates a finality – a finished product – but we as humans are always growing and changing.
Many people view perfectionism as a positive attribute. They believe the more “perfect” they are, the more success they will have in life.
Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as always doing your best. It is important that we always do our best. By doing so, we can experience healthy achievements and growth. But perfectionism takes this concept to the extreme.
People with perfectionist tendencies often have self-defeating thoughts and/or behaviors that actually make it HARDER to achieve their goals. Perfectionism also can make the individual feel stress, anxiety, and depression.
Most human beings, from time to time, will strive for perfectionism in some aspect of their life. As an example, that “perfectly moist chocolate cake” I mentioned earlier got that way because the person who baked it was trying to get everything JUST RIGHT as a gift for someone’s birthday.
But there are those people who are “full-time” perfectionists. They strive for perfection in all aspects of their life.
Here are some signs you may be a perfectionist:
Again, perfectionism is not the same thing as doing your best. It is a condition whereby the individual is almost incapable of feeling joy or pride at what they accomplish because in their own minds, they are never quite good enough.
If you believe you may have traits of perfectionism and it is causing you stress, there are things you can do to change your behavior so you can live a healthier and happier life.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
SOURCES:
When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent. But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, […]
When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent.
But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, because life transitions can often include loss: loss of a job, a marriage, and loved ones. During these life transitions, we can feel out to sea, completely at the mercy of the tides that seem to be tossing our lifeboat around.
If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed right now because you are facing one or more life transitions, here are some ways you can navigate these choppy waters:
Slow Down
Have you noticed that the pace of life has picked up? Most likely your heartbeat and breathing have also picked up as a response. It’s time to slow down.
As simple as it may sound, slow, deep breaths are a powerful way to tell your body that everything is okay. Right now, your body is in “fight or flight mode,” as you subconsciously, and maybe even consciously, feel you are being attacked. Making time each day to be still, away from the noise and chaos to breathe deeply and slowly, will slow down your heart rate and make you feel calm and peaceful.
Embrace Uncertainty
I know, it seems completely counterintuitive if not downright impossible. But when we surrender control and embrace the unknown, with an almost scientific curiosity about outcomes, we feel positive emotions (curiosity, wonder) instead of negative emotions (lost, out of control).
Acknowledge the Cycles of Life
Someone once said, “This too shall pass.” Life, like weather, has seasons. While you may feel stuck right now and like nothing is going the way you hoped or planned, recognize the truth, which is, this too shall pass. Transitions are just that, an uncomfortable bridge from one part of life to the next.
Fall Back on Traditions
Rites of passage have been used for thousands of years in all cultures to help people transition from one place in life to another. It’s time to call upon this ancient wisdom of our ancestors and empower ourselves.
Rites of passage put us in the driver’s seat. We can acknowledge that things MUST change because we intuitively understand that the human journey is all about facing challenges and becoming new versions of ourselves.
Life, such as it is, throws us curve balls and sadness and things that cast fear and doubt into our vision. This is natural and no one escapes.
But there ARE ways to navigate these challenges. Try these three tips. And if you’d like additional help along your journey, please get in touch with me.
SOURCES:
It is incredibly common to struggle with the process of setting and accomplishing goals. And due to this difficult process, many of us end up feeling defeated or as if we have some sort of character flaw. This way of thinking can not only keep us from practicing goal setting but can have negative […]
It is incredibly common to struggle with the process of setting and accomplishing goals. And due to this difficult process, many of us end up feeling defeated or as if we have some sort of character flaw. This way of thinking can not only keep us from practicing goal setting but can have negative impacts on our overall self-esteem. The process of setting and accomplishing goals is a vital component to our overall mental health and emotional wellbeing; therefore, it is extremely important that we do not abandon the practice of goal setting and goal accomplishment.
Below are some tips to assist you in successfully setting and accomplishing your goals:
| Large/Undefined Goals: | Simple and Specific Goals: |
| Keep my home cleaner | Make my bed every weekday morning |
| Be more social | Have dinner with a friend once per week |
| Get more exercise | Do 15 minutes of exercise four days per week |
| Goal: | Behavior: | “All-or-Nothing” Thinking: | Challenging “All-or-Nothing” Thinking: |
| Make my bed every weekday morning | Missed a day of making my bed due to running late for work | “Since I missed today, I’ll just skip the rest of the week; I can’t keep up with this anyway.” | “It’s okay that I missed one morning; I will pick up where I left off and start making my bed again tomorrow morning.” |
If you are finding any of the concepts and/or techniques described in this blog particularly difficult, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a mental health professional.
-Sierra Shapiro, MS, LPC
Managing Your Anxiety with Simple Grounding Techniques When we are in a state of psychological distress it can be difficult to stay present. We are either focused on worry and fear about the future, experiencing a flashback of a previous event, or in a state of dissociating. Whether we are experiencing anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, […]
Managing Your Anxiety with Simple Grounding Techniques
When we are in a state of psychological distress it can be difficult to stay present. We are either focused on worry and fear about the future, experiencing a flashback of a previous event, or in a state of dissociating. Whether we are experiencing anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, or triggered by something as the result of previous trauma, grounding techniques can help to bring down our level of distress. These techniques work to orient us to the present moment and can have a physical effect on our nervous system, which calms the body and decreases the level of activation we feel.
Here are some simple techniques to try:
-Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to help orient you to your surroundings and the present. Take a moment to look around you. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch (it helps to actually touch them), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
-Pick one of the 5 senses and focus on that. Some examples:
Touch: Hold an ice cube in your hands. Pay attention to how it feels
Sound: Play music and focus on it, noticing the different sounds
Smell: Use essential oils, especially those that promote calm such as lavender
Taste: Choose a food with a strong taste such as a mint and focus on that while you eat it
Sight: Look around you and choose a color you see. Name all the things you see that are that same color.
Being outside and around our natural surroundings helps us feel more connected to the present. Take time to notice what is happening around you. Do you feel the warmth of the sun, or is it cold? Maybe you hear the leaves blowing in the wind, or birds chirping. Try closing your eyes to get more connected to things you experience through senses other than sight.
To get the grounding benefits of exercise you do not need to run a marathon. Simply going for a walk outside can help. If you are experiencing a higher level of distress, a more vigorous activity might be more beneficial, such asdoing a few jumping jacks. Feelings are energy in our bodies, and this will help to move and let go of some of the activation we are feeling.
This is a simple technique proven to help calm your nervous system. It is also good for distracting from distressing thoughts because it takes some attention to keep counting out the breath. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts.
Repeat as many times as you need. Here is a link to a guided Square breathing that uses sound and does the counting for you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfUGpJE1D9o
Try practicing and get in the habit of using these skills when you are not distressed so it will be easier to use them when you need some grounding.
These techniques are meant to address the experience of psychological distress in the moment. If you find yourself having difficulty staying grounded and these skills are not enough, working with a therapist can help to address the underlying causes.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group.
You can contact her at:
(248)860-2024
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
What is Sleep Hygiene? Sleep hygiene refers to healthy sleep habits. Good sleep hygiene is important because of how crucial getting good sleep is for your mental and physical health, as well as your overall quality of life. There is also clear evidence that sleep deprivation has a negative effect on emotion and performance. Studies indicate […]
What is Sleep Hygiene?
Sleep hygiene refers to healthy sleep habits. Good sleep hygiene is important because of how crucial getting good sleep is for your mental and physical health, as well as your overall quality of life. There is also clear evidence that sleep deprivation has a negative effect on emotion and performance. Studies indicate that a night of restful sleep may reset the brains’ ability to effectively prepare for the emotional challenges of the next day.
Ongoing poor sleep can be a risk factor for the development of major depressive disorder. The risk of feeling depressed and/or anxious (as well as worsening existing anxiety and depression) increases with the severity of insomnia, and so it is important to recognize and sort out sleep problems as soon as they are identified.
Sleep & Mental Health
A good night’s sleep can enhance your memory and problem-solving skills.
Maintaining a healthy sleep schedule helps you stay motivated, alert, and engaged. A full night’s sleep can help your mood and even prevent feelings of depression. Missed sleep can lead to psychological and physical ill health in many ways.
Psychological symptoms and effects include:
Sleep & Physical Health
A solid night of sleep can help you maintain a healthy weight. Sleep helps your immune system stay strong. The less you sleep, the harder it can be to fight common infections.
Physical symptoms and effects include:
Ten steps to improve your sleeping habits for better mental and physical health.
If you feel that poor sleep is contributing to feelings of anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues, consider finding a qualified therapist you trust who can help you manage sleep hygiene, as well as well as teach and support you with other healthy coping strategies.
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
When Spring Comes and Depression Stays Oftentimes, people struggling with depression look forward to springtime and the hope that warmer weather and longer days will bring some relief to their symptoms. Unfortunately, that is not always the case and hopelessness can set in. This year especially, with the pandemic seeming to be never-ending, people […]
When Spring Comes and Depression Stays
Oftentimes, people struggling with depression look forward to springtime and the hope that warmer weather and longer days will bring some relief to their symptoms. Unfortunately, that is not always the case and hopelessness can set in. This year especially, with the pandemic seeming to be never-ending, people are dealing with the loss of the ability to find pleasure in activities.
The number of people experiencing burnout, stress, and depression has increased as the pandemic continues. During long periods of unpredictability, like what has been happening over the past 13 months, it can be easy to become lethargic and lose any kind of pleasure in what would normally feel good to us. And the hobbies that may have been taken up time in the beginning of the pandemic, may have lost their luster. People are losing motivation to do much of anything.
Connection with other continues to be extremely important during this time. As the weather warms, it provides us the opportunity to meet up with people safely outside. But if that is not an option for you, reach out through video chat or phone calls. Let people know you are struggling so they can support you.
Other options include spending time in nature, connecting to a spiritual practice, or exercise. When not much seems to be working, be patient with yourself and remember this too shall pass. And of course, seek out professional help and support when you need to. Working with a mental health professional can help you to begin to climb out of your depressive mood.
-Julie Lublin, MA
Julie Lublin, MA, PLC is a staff psychotherapist at Marsh Psychology Group. She can be reached at jlublin@marshpsychologygroup.com or 248-860-2024.
There are plenty of things that occur in our daily lives that cause us stress: commuter traffic, hassles at work, and tension in our personal relationships to name just a few. If we don’t find healthy ways to deal with this stress, it can fester, eventually causing anxiety, depression, and even health issues such as […]
There are plenty of things that occur in our daily lives that cause us stress: commuter traffic, hassles at work, and tension in our personal relationships to name just a few. If we don’t find healthy ways to deal with this stress, it can fester, eventually causing anxiety, depression, and even health issues such as hypertension and heart disease.
One of the best ways to beat stress is through mindfulness meditation. This practice helps train you to keep your attention “in the now.” By training your mind to stay in the present moment, you stop it from ruminating on all of the things that bring you stress. While it can be challenging in the beginning, many practitioners of meditation receive amazing benefits:
If you’re someone who suffers from a lack of sleep, you know how it can affect your mood and ability to focus clearly. Research has found that in adults diagnosed with sleep disturbances, meditation improves the quality of sleep obtained each night.
Studies have also found that mindfulness meditation can reduce the cortisol levels produced in the body. Cortisol is a stress hormone. When levels of cortisol remain high, it can negatively impact your health.
Many older adults experience loneliness and isolation due to the loss of their spouse combined with an inability to lead an independent social life. One study found that an 8-week mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) program decreased loneliness and related pro-inflammatory gene expression in seniors.
These are only a handful of the many benefits of practicing meditation.
Starting a meditation practice does not have to feel overwhelming and it doesn’t require you to make big lifestyle changes. It simply requires you to dedicate 10-20 minutes each day in your practice.
You may want to look for group meditation classes in your local area to get a feel for how it works. There are also plenty of guided meditations online to choose from.
The biggest thing to remember is that it is called a meditation practice for a reason: you won’t get it “right” right out of the gate. And truthfully, there is no right or wrong. There is only a desire and intent to let go of the chatter in your mind and focus on the present moment. That’s it. Once you get the hang of things, you too can experience some amazing benefits.
It’s a new year and many of us have committed to making changes that will allow our best selves to shine through. And in most instances, we know exactly how to get the help we need to facilitate this change. For instance, if we want to get into good physical shape, we know to head […]
It’s a new year and many of us have committed to making changes that will allow our best selves to shine through. And in most instances, we know exactly how to get the help we need to facilitate this change.
For instance, if we want to get into good physical shape, we know to head to our local gym and get help from a personal trainer. If we want to eat better to prevent disease, we ask our doctor to refer us to a licensed nutritionist.
And when we want to work on our mental and emotional health, we know we should seek support from a licensed mental health counselor. But finding the right one can seem overwhelming to many and stop them from getting the help they need.
With this in mind, here are some tips on finding the right therapist in your local town or city:
There was a time the topic of mental health was considered taboo. But luckily those days are behind us and many people are now open to seeking therapy. You may very well have a friend or family member who has or currently is working with a therapist they love.
If you already have a good relationship with a doctor, dentist, or anyone in the medical field who honors your confidentiality, they are a great resource to tap into about a mental health professional referral since they are connected to many people in the medial field.
If you happen to be one of those lucky individuals with an insurance company that has a stellar customer service department, you might want to ask them to suggest a therapist in your network whom they have vetted.
If you have no one you can personally ask, then you will need to perform an internet search for therapists in your local area. One of the best places to start your search is a website called Psychology Today. This site has a comprehensive list of therapists from around the country. To be listed on here requires a minimum of professional qualifications. In other words, a therapist cannot be listed on this site unless and until they can prove they have a legitimate advanced degree in their discipline and an up-to-date professional license or certification.
The beginning of the year offers all of us so much potential. Let this year be the year you deal with any issues you may be having so you can begin to live your best life!
If you live in the area and would like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
Are you acting as a caregiver to a loved one? Maybe your elderly parent or a spouse or child that is battling a serious illness? According to womenshealth.gov, 36% of Americans provided unpaid care to another adult with an illness or disability in 2012, and that number has almost certainly climbed as the baby boomer […]
Are you acting as a caregiver to a loved one? Maybe your elderly parent or a spouse or child that is battling a serious illness?
According to womenshealth.gov, 36% of Americans provided unpaid care to another adult with an illness or disability in 2012, and that number has almost certainly climbed as the baby boomer population continues to age.
Acting as a caregiver to another is definitely a labor of love, but it can also take a physical, mental and emotional toll on a person. When you focus all of your energy on the needs of other people, it is entirely too easy to put your own needs on the back burner.
Here are some of the most common signs of caregiver burnout:
With so many people relying on caregivers, it’s important that these people learn to take good care of themselves!
Here are some ways you can begin practicing self-care so you don’t experience burnout:
Get More Sleep
The quantity and quality of sleep you get each night will have a huge impact on how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally. Stress can make it hard for us to get good sleep, so don’t make it any harder.
Avoid caffeinated beverages after 2 pm as well as using any digital screens at night. The blue light emitted from these devices messes with our sleep cycle. You may also want to use room-darkening curtains to make your bedroom dark in the morning so you don’t awaken too early.
Get Plenty of Exercise
All of the stress, tension, and balled-up emotions need to go somewhere, or you’re likely to become sick yourself. Exercise is a great way to work all of this… “stuff” out of you. As a bonus, your body releases endorphins after a good workout, and these chemicals give your mood a nice boost.
Eat Right
Your instinct may be to reach for sugary comfort foods but you need to stay healthy and strong. Opt for protein and healthy fats along with some organic produce.
Ask for Help
While everyone around you may refer to you as “superhuman,” the truth is, you’re just human, and you can’t handle everything by yourself ALL of the time. Ask people to help you provide care once or twice a week so that you may have a little bit of time for yourself.
Talk to Someone
If you are dealing with your own depression and anxiety, it’s important that you speak with someone who can offer coping strategies.
If you or someone you know is a caregiver that could use someone to talk to, please feel free to be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
References:
Cognitive therapy has been shown over the years to be incredibly effective at helping people recognize and change their behaviors. But, as much potential as therapy has for every individual, some people seem to have success with therapy while others don’t. Some of this stems from what the individuals’ expectations were going into therapy, some […]
Cognitive therapy has been shown over the years to be incredibly effective at helping people recognize and change their behaviors. But, as much potential as therapy has for every individual, some people seem to have success with therapy while others don’t.
Some of this stems from what the individuals’ expectations were going into therapy, some from how much effort they gave, and some from whether or not there was a good personality fit between patient and therapist.
If you’re thinking of exploring therapy and want to ensure your journey is successful, here are some things to keep in mind:
The American Psychological Association defines an evidence-based practitioner as someone who integrates their (1) clinical expertise with (2) available/relevant psychological science and (3a) the client’s values and (3b) cultural context to guide the intervention. This means your therapist should be using proven techniques in a way that jive with your values, preferences, and needs. It’s not about them and what they bring to the table, it’s about what they have to offer and how they can offer it so you might be positively impacted.
It’s important to shop around to find the right therapist for you. Ideally, you want someone who you feel comfortable opening up to and someone you trust to listen and offer guidance. You also want to know your therapist is competent and has your best interests at heart. And finally, you’ll want to have open communication so you can always be sure you are on the same page as far as your “story” and how well the interventions are working.
We live in an instant gratification society. We want what we want and we want it NOW. In many instances, we can get what we want quickly. But this isn’t true for real change.
For therapy to be successful, you MUST be realistic about the process. It is not linear, and it is not quick. This is particularly true if you are dealing with complex, long-term problems. This doesn’t mean you can expect to be in therapy for the rest of your life or even many, many years. It simply means you must appreciate the reality of what you can expect and how quickly.
If you are interested in exploring treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.