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So, you’ve decided that it’s time to set some boundaries in your life. Good for you! Boundaries are essential to maintaining relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers, as they can help build trust and respect. Once you’ve decided what your boundaries are, the next step will be communicating them to those around you. Here […]
So, you’ve decided that it’s time to set some boundaries in your life. Good for you! Boundaries are essential to maintaining relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers, as they can help build trust and respect. Once you’ve decided what your boundaries are, the next step will be communicating them to those around you. Here are some tips for how to do so:
Setting and communicating boundaries can be difficult, but it’s a lot easier with the help of an experienced therapist. Fortunately, you can get the assistance you need from the caring team at our practice. We understand the intricacies of relationships between family members, friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances, and we’ll provide you with tailored advice on how to effectively set any necessary boundaries. Contact us today to schedule a therapy session at a date and time that’s convenient for you.
The importance of having positive friendships in your life cannot be overstated. Healthy friendships can help you feel happier and more self-confident, reduce your stress levels, and prevent you from feeling lonely or isolated. When times are good, friends can help you celebrate. And when times are bad, they can help pick you up and […]
The importance of having positive friendships in your life cannot be overstated. Healthy friendships can help you feel happier and more self-confident, reduce your stress levels, and prevent you from feeling lonely or isolated. When times are good, friends can help you celebrate. And when times are bad, they can help pick you up and provide a kind shoulder to lean on.
Unfortunately, for many adults, it can be tough to make new friends and even more difficult to ensure that those friendships enhance their lives. With that in mind, here are some tips for how to build healthy relationships with friends:
If you struggle to maintain positive friendships, you’ve come to the right place. We have extensive experience helping patients nurture healthy relationships with friends, and we’d love to do the same for you. Contact us today to schedule a therapy session.
Have you recently gone through a divorce, a broken engagement, or a breakup? The loss of a romantic relationship can be especially difficult because we spend so much time with our significant others, so a separation can impact many aspects of our lives and leave us feeling like our world has been turned upside down. […]
Have you recently gone through a divorce, a broken engagement, or a breakup? The loss of a romantic relationship can be especially difficult because we spend so much time with our significant others, so a separation can impact many aspects of our lives and leave us feeling like our world has been turned upside down. Not only do we have to cope with missing them, but we also have to deal with the hassles of splitting up any shared property and possibly finding a new home. Plus, we must accept that the dreams we had of a future with that person are no longer a possibility.
Fortunately, there are steps you can take to process your grief and move on from your relationship. For instance, you may want to try:
As difficult as it may seem, try to look at your breakup as an opportunity to rediscover yourself and the things that make you who you are. For example, if you’ve always loved baking but you didn’t get to bake as often as you wanted during your relationship, try purchasing a new cookbook or signing up for a local cake decorating class.
If you’re having a hard time coping with the loss of a marriage, engagement, or dating relationship, one of the best ways to process your grief is to speak to a therapist. Contact us today and we can tell you more about our practice, answer any questions you might have, and schedule a therapy session.
We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world? While that may be true, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert. So […]
We all believe we know what narcissism looks like. After all, aren’t a majority of politicians and Hollywood A-listers narcissists, projecting their massive egos onto the world?
While that may be true, narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. They walk among us, some of them obvious, and some of them covert.
So how can you tell if you’re dealing with an actual narcissist or just someone who is a bit full of themself? Here are a handful of traits the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists as characteristics that someone is a narcissist:
A Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
Narcissists see themselves as incredibly essential to the success and happiness of other people. In their eyes, they believe they are capable of exceptionally high levels of achievement, whether they are or aren’t in reality.
They are Special or Unique
Narcissists believe they are so special and unique that few people can really understand them. Many will only want to spend time around high-status people.
A Need for Admiration
We all can admit it feels good to be appreciated and admired. But narcissists have an absolute need for admiration and a lot of it.
A Sense of Entitlement
Narcissists truly believe they are the exception to the rule. If there is a line of people waiting to be seated, a narcissist will cut that line because why should they of all people be forced to wait? If you’ve spent any amount of time around an actual narcissist, their entitlement can be shocking as it seems to know no bounds.
A Lack of Empathy
Narcissist simply cannot imagine how others feel. They are wired differently from non-narcissistic people. When you can’t empathize or feel what someone else is, it makes it incredibly easy to abuse those around you.
These are just some of the main traits of a narcissist. Needless to say, spending any amount of time in their presence can be a very toxic and taxing experience.
SOURCES:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/14-signs-of-narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202110/the-13-traits-narcissist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
Detachment When we hear the word detached, we might immediately think of the negative connotation – someone who is not engaged in their life or with the world around them, unfeeling and cold, cut off from their emotions and from others. None of that sounds particularly healthy. But learning to use detachment effectively and […]
When we hear the word detached, we might immediately think of the negative connotation – someone who is not engaged in their life or with the world around them, unfeeling and cold, cut off from their emotions and from others. None of that sounds particularly healthy. But learning to use detachment effectively and intentionally can bring about positive change.
There are infinite possibilities when it comes to situations in which detachment could be beneficial. Here are a few areas to consider:
Detachment from unhelpful thoughts
The mind is constantly doing its job – thinking. In fact, we experience 80-90,000 thoughts each day. We usually assume each of these thoughts is useful and true, but our thoughts are not facts. Often, what we think is not worth paying attention to at all.
For example, imagine you reach out to an old friend and are waiting to hear back. Your mind might start having unhelpful thoughts:
‘They probably don’t want to hear from me’
‘No one ever wants to be my friend’
‘I shouldn’t have contacted them after so long’
None of these thoughts are facts, nor are they helpful in the moment. If you allow them to continue as usual, it becomes easy to attach to them and start to believe them.
Learning to detach from our thoughts in the moment starts with being more aware of what is happening in our mind. Begin to recognize your thoughts and decide if they are helpful and truthful. If not, try observing them without putting any value on them. Try using the phrase ‘My thoughts are telling me ___’ before the thought. Remind yourself ‘that is just a thought and thoughts are not facts.’ Another strategy involves imagery. Imagine your thoughts coming and going, drifting in and out of your mind, like watching clouds drift across the sky. Meditation is also an effective way to practice detachment from thoughts because it teaches us to stop paying attention to our thoughts in the moment.
Detachment from an outcome
When we care about something, attachment is natural. If you interview for your dream job, you will likely experience strong emotions about it and focus your thoughts on how much you want the job. The more we care about something, the more we want to control the outcome. So, it can feel counterintuitive to work on detaching in these situations. While attachment is natural, it is not always helpful, because we cannot control what happens. When we try to control, or make something happen, we will inevitably face resistance when things do not work out as we hoped. Resistance makes things more difficult. If you do not get the job offer and you were attached to the idea, you will likely have a much more difficult time accepting the outcome. Using detachment, we can acknowledge how we are feeling (how desperately we want the job), while also letting go of the desire to control the outcome. This involves an intention to trust that we can handle whatever outcome we face. Focusing on trusting ourselves to cope with the things we cannot control allows us to let go of unhelpful attachment to outcome.
Detachment from a difficult situation as it is happening
What can we do when we are in the middle of a situation and our thoughts and emotions are interfering with our ability tomake sound decisions? You guessed it- detach. For example, if we are in an argument with our spouse, we will likely feel triggered in some way. Maybe our body is in fight or flight, maybe we feel anger and want to lash out, or want to shut down and give the silent treatment.
If we act on any of these impulses, we are not acting in a way that is beneficial to ourselves or the relationship. Detaching from the situation can give us time to calm our nervous system and get centered, to process our emotions, and consider how we want to respond. Communicating the need to detach and takingtime alone to reflect before continuing a discussion can lead to a much better outcome.
Detachment from codependent patterns
Many of us find ourselves in codependent patterns in our relationships. Codependency causes us to be more focused on the needs of others than on ourselves, and underneath this we believe we can control the problem (or person) – and need to in order to be safe. This is often the case in relationships with someone who has an addiction or other mental illness. When our loved one is engaging in behavior that is harmful, we want to be able to stop the behavior, and try to control it as a result. This can take on many forms, including obsessing about it, worrying, monitoring/managing the other person, changing our own behavior, and ignoring our own needs.
One of the easiest ways to step out of this pattern is through practicing detachment: shifting our beliefs to accept we cannot control another person, and it is not our job to try. The addiction recovery field has been teaching the concept of ‘detaching with love’ for decades (Beattie, 1992).
We can begin to accept the premise of detachment by learning to focus on our own needs. When you find yourself focused on the other person: – their behavior, emotions, or needs – bring focus back to yourself. Ask yourself ‘What am I feeling and why?What do I need most right now?’ Then, do something to take care of yourself based on those needs.
As with most change, this will likely feel uncomfortable at first. With practice, detaching with love and focusing on yourself will become easier.
Learning to detach with intention and purpose is a process that takes time. A trained mental health professional can provide support and guidance for adopting these concepts in a way that benefits you as an individual.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group
You can contact her at:
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent No More. Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden.
More and more people are opting to work from home. While this has its advantages, it definitely has its challenges as well. Particularly when your partner also works from home. The following are some tips to help you and your partner share a successful and harmonious dwelling while both working remotely: Give Each […]
More and more people are opting to work from home. While this has its advantages, it definitely has its challenges as well. Particularly when your partner also works from home.
The following are some tips to help you and your partner share a successful and harmonious dwelling while both working remotely:
Give Each Other Space
You might be tempted to spend every moment together now that you are both home all day. While some couples may be able to pull this off, it’s generally not a good idea to be on top of each other during your work day. For instance, if you partner is at the dining room table on their laptop, it might be a good idea for you to retreat to a spare bedroom with yours. It’s easier for most people to focus and get important work done when they have space and privacy.
Respect Each Other’s Timetable
Remote work often means you can set your own schedule. You may want to get up early and get right to work, while your partner may get more accomplished in the evening hours. As long as you both contribute to household and family chores, be sure to give each other permission to work at the times that suit you best.
Have Open and Clear Communication
There’s a very good chance that neither of you are mind readers. It’s for this reason that you’ve got to be clear about your needs. For instance, if you have an important Zoom call in the afternoon, be sure to let your partner know that you will need quiet and not to be interrupted between such-and-such hours. You might want to consider getting a dry erase board so you both can share any important information from day-to-day.
It won’t necessarily be easy, and it may take some getting used to… but with some consideration for each other’s needs, working from home together may turn out to be a very enjoyable experience!
SOURCES:
https://www.gq.com/story/we-can-work-from-home
https://remote.co/couples-who-both-work-from-home/
https://medium.com/swlh/how-to-avoid-killing-your-partner-when-you-both-work-from-home-6fb3506f996
When we first fall in love with that special someone, we want to spend all of our time together. In fact, we seem to feel better when we are with our significant other. This is the infatuation stage, and admittedly, it feels really good. But enduring relationships move past this stage and into a […]
When we first fall in love with that special someone, we want to spend all of our time together. In fact, we seem to feel better when we are with our significant other.
This is the infatuation stage, and admittedly, it feels really good. But enduring relationships move past this stage and into a place of mutual respect and care. This will require each partner to give the other space to be their own individuals.
First, what does it really mean to be an independent individual? It means you know how to be your own person, whether you are single or in a relationship. It means while you make the effort to make your partner happy, you also ensure that you continue to do the things you enjoy that bring you happiness.
The following are just some of the reasons why there should always be independence in a relationship:
When you lack independence and don’t have a solid sense of yourself, you can come across as “clingy” or needy. If you want to be around your partner 24/7 and they are wanting space, your neediness can drain their energy.
When the two of you stay independent, you give each other the opportunity to grow as individuals, which then can lead to growth as a couple.
Independent people are strong people, and strong people can be counted on when it matters most. When you are both strong individuals, you can lend that support when the other needs it.
Most of us demanded our independence when we were in our teens and early 20s. But life happens, and we can often lose that independent spirit and lose our own identities. If you need some help reconnecting with yourself so that you may one day enjoy a beneficial partnership, please get in touch with me. I’m more than happy to discuss how therapy can help.
SOURCES: