• Book an intake consultation Contact Now Schedule an Appointment

    26711 Woodward Ave. Suite 306
    Huntington Woods, MI 48070
    (248) 860-2024

  • Marsh Psychology Group

    My WordPress Blog

    • Home
    • Our Staff
      • Pamela Marsh, Psy.D.
      • Carol VanKampen, LMSW
      • Claudia Coxx, LMSW
      • Brandy Pouliot, LMSW
      • Monika Sata, Ph.D. , LLP
    • Services
      • Anxiety
        • Anxiety Therapist in Royal Oak, MI
      • Depression
        • Depression Therapist Serving Clients in Royal Oak, MI
      • EMDR Therapy
      • Individual Therapy
      • PTSD
      • Relationship Issues
      • Self-Esteem Therapy
      • Social Anxiety
      • Therapy for Teens
      • Therapy for Women
      • Trauma Therapy
      • Divorce Therapy
      • Grief Therapy
      • Social Anxiety
      • Therapy for Teachers
      • Relationship Issues
      • Therapy for Nurses
      • Individual Therapist
      • Trauma Therapist
      • Therapy for women
      • EMDR Therapist
      • Therapy for Teens
      • Therapy for Codependency
      • Black woman therapist
      • Therapy for Postpartum Depression
    • Getting Started
      • FAQs
      • Rates and Insurance
      • Client Forms
      • Appointment Request
    • Resources
      • Service Areas
        • Royal Oak, MI
      • Mental Health Links
      • Physical Health Links
    • Careers
    • Contact
    • Blog

    Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships

    March 30, 2022

    Boundaries in relationship are the key to fufilling connecitons.

    Read More

    Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships

    March 30, 2022

    Boundaries

    Many of us have difficulty with boundaries in relationships and might not even be aware of the problem. If you often feel resentful, drained, unfulfilled, or taken advantage of in your relationships, poor boundaries could be the reason. Having boundaries with others means you can verbalize or act to enforce your limits and maintain your sense of self. Areas of interpersonal boundaries can be physical, mental/emotional, or resource-based.

    Physical Boundaries: How others comment on your appearance, limits related to physical intimacy and touch

    Mental/Emotional Boundaries: Autonomy in one’s opinions and beliefs, not feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings

    Resource Boundaries: Limits on how much time you are available, how much money you contribute, what you are willing to do for the other person

    How to Start Setting Boundaries
    Establishing healthy boundaries in your relationships starts with being in touch with your own needs. We can become so used to putting others before ourselves we don’t even recognize what we need, let alone have the capacity to assert those needs! Start by noticing where you feel resentful, drained, unfulfilled, or taken advantage of in your relationships. These feelings are a sign of your unmet needs and can be used to identify where you would benefit from establishing healthier boundaries.

    If healthy boundaries were never modeled for you, it can be a scary thing to try. Sometimes we are so used to automatically saying ‘yes’ we feel afraid to say ‘no’ and this becomes a resources issue. If this is the case for you, start by identifying a different response such as”‘let me think about that and get back to you”-this will allow you time to think things through and check in with yourself to determine if you genuinely want to say ‘yes’ or would be doing so out of obligation or fear.

    Similarly, sometimes we are so used to focusing on others’ needs and emotions we become uncomfortable looking at our own. We have developed the false belief that meeting the needs of others will keep us safe while meeting our own needs is unsafe. In reality, fulfillment and regulation (safety) comes from being attuned to our own needs – our true self – and asserting those needs in our relationships.
    It is important to note, not all boundaries need to be verbalized. Sometimes the most effective way to establish a boundary is through your behavior, and the other person might not even be aware of it. In situations where we do communicate our limits to someone, boundaries are not ultimatums or ways to try to control the other person. The goal is to be clear on our limits and become responsible for our needs in relationships, while also respecting the limits of others. When first starting this process, try writing out what you want to communicate to the other person first. Consider the relationship and what you think is beneficial for the other person to know regarding your boundary. Remember, we do not owe an explanation for our needs, but it can be helpful to communicate the ‘why’ depending on the situation.

    Growing Pains

    Expect to feel uncomfortable when you start this process, as with most changes we make, but sometimes it can feel too uncomfortable to do on our own. Because many of us were taught to have unhealthy boundaries in childhood, the reasons behind these difficulties are often deeply rooted and difficult to address without support. Working with a mental health professional can provide guidance in understanding our difficulties with boundaries and help us navigate healthy changes.

    References:
    LePera, N. (2021). How to Do the Work. Macmillan Publishers, p. 179-205.

    -Laura Gross, LMSW
    Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group.
    You can contact her at:
    (248)860-2024
    lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com

     

     

     

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, Issues for Women, Self-Esteem, toxic relationship, Uncategorized

    Am I Codependent?

    October 20, 2021

    Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a loved one by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being. As an example, a parent may have a hard […]

    Read More

    Am I Codependent?

    October 20, 2021

    Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a loved one by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being.

    As an example, a parent may have a hard time setting healthy boundaries by telling their grown addict son or daughter their behavior is unwelcomed and they must move out. This is a bit of a lose/lose scenario because enabling this bad behavior stalls recovery and only perpetuates the problem. In addition, the codependent parent puts themselves in harm’s way, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps even physically.

    Codependency often stems from an individual’s low self-esteem, excessive need to please, and an inability to set boundaries. Codependents feel responsible for others’ problems and will take them on, despite the personal toll it may cost them.

    Where Does Codependency Come From?

    Codependency is usually developed in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where your emotions were either ignored or punished, you most likely developed low self-esteem, believing your needs didn’t matter.

    Many codependents had parents who, for some reason, were unable to fulfill their role as caretakers. This dysfunction is usually the result of addiction, depression, narcissism, or other issues. In this situation, the child is forced to take on responsibilities beyond their years, taking care of younger siblings and even their own parent(s).

    When we’re young, codependent behaviors are a survival mechanism. But as we become adults, these same behaviors prevent us from experiencing healthy relationships.

    Signs of Codependency

    Codependent people will typically one or more telltale codependency signs:

    • The belief you must “save” or “rescue” others
    • Low self-esteem
    • A one-sided relationship where one person is responsible and the other is allowed to be chronically irresponsible.
    • Going without so that others can have what they need or want.
    • Walking on eggshells around others and keeping opinions to yourself so as not to upset the other person.
    • Martyrdom – taking care of everyone else and resentful when no one cares for you.
    • A need to control
    • A need to please
    • An inability to set boundaries
    • Staying in relationships that are harmful or abusive
    • A feeling of guilt when taking care of yourself

    If you can relate to one or more of these signs, there is a good chance you may be suffering from codependency.

    The good news is, by committing to your own personal development and well-being, and working with a therapist who specializes in codependency, you can have a profound recovery that ultimately leads to peace, fulfillment, and true connections with others.

    If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.

    SOURCES:

    • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/conquering-codependency/202011/10-signs-you-re-in-codependent-relationship
    • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/codependency
    • https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/codependency
    • https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/codependency/recovery

    Filed Under: toxic relationship



    26711 Woodward Ave. Suite 306
    Huntington Woods, MI 48070

    (248) 860-2024
    info@marshpsychologygroup.com

    Contact Today

    Marsh Psychology Group
    info@marshpsychologygroup.com
    (248) 860-2024

    A Website by Brighter Vision | Privacy Policy