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Detachment When we hear the word detached, we might immediately think of the negative connotation – someone who is not engaged in their life or with the world around them, unfeeling and cold, cut off from their emotions and from others. None of that sounds particularly healthy. But learning to use detachment effectively and […]
When we hear the word detached, we might immediately think of the negative connotation – someone who is not engaged in their life or with the world around them, unfeeling and cold, cut off from their emotions and from others. None of that sounds particularly healthy. But learning to use detachment effectively and intentionally can bring about positive change.
There are infinite possibilities when it comes to situations in which detachment could be beneficial. Here are a few areas to consider:
Detachment from unhelpful thoughts
The mind is constantly doing its job – thinking. In fact, we experience 80-90,000 thoughts each day. We usually assume each of these thoughts is useful and true, but our thoughts are not facts. Often, what we think is not worth paying attention to at all.
For example, imagine you reach out to an old friend and are waiting to hear back. Your mind might start having unhelpful thoughts:
‘They probably don’t want to hear from me’
‘No one ever wants to be my friend’
‘I shouldn’t have contacted them after so long’
None of these thoughts are facts, nor are they helpful in the moment. If you allow them to continue as usual, it becomes easy to attach to them and start to believe them.
Learning to detach from our thoughts in the moment starts with being more aware of what is happening in our mind. Begin to recognize your thoughts and decide if they are helpful and truthful. If not, try observing them without putting any value on them. Try using the phrase ‘My thoughts are telling me ___’ before the thought. Remind yourself ‘that is just a thought and thoughts are not facts.’ Another strategy involves imagery. Imagine your thoughts coming and going, drifting in and out of your mind, like watching clouds drift across the sky. Meditation is also an effective way to practice detachment from thoughts because it teaches us to stop paying attention to our thoughts in the moment.
Detachment from an outcome
When we care about something, attachment is natural. If you interview for your dream job, you will likely experience strong emotions about it and focus your thoughts on how much you want the job. The more we care about something, the more we want to control the outcome. So, it can feel counterintuitive to work on detaching in these situations. While attachment is natural, it is not always helpful, because we cannot control what happens. When we try to control, or make something happen, we will inevitably face resistance when things do not work out as we hoped. Resistance makes things more difficult. If you do not get the job offer and you were attached to the idea, you will likely have a much more difficult time accepting the outcome. Using detachment, we can acknowledge how we are feeling (how desperately we want the job), while also letting go of the desire to control the outcome. This involves an intention to trust that we can handle whatever outcome we face. Focusing on trusting ourselves to cope with the things we cannot control allows us to let go of unhelpful attachment to outcome.
Detachment from a difficult situation as it is happening
What can we do when we are in the middle of a situation and our thoughts and emotions are interfering with our ability tomake sound decisions? You guessed it- detach. For example, if we are in an argument with our spouse, we will likely feel triggered in some way. Maybe our body is in fight or flight, maybe we feel anger and want to lash out, or want to shut down and give the silent treatment.
If we act on any of these impulses, we are not acting in a way that is beneficial to ourselves or the relationship. Detaching from the situation can give us time to calm our nervous system and get centered, to process our emotions, and consider how we want to respond. Communicating the need to detach and takingtime alone to reflect before continuing a discussion can lead to a much better outcome.
Detachment from codependent patterns
Many of us find ourselves in codependent patterns in our relationships. Codependency causes us to be more focused on the needs of others than on ourselves, and underneath this we believe we can control the problem (or person) – and need to in order to be safe. This is often the case in relationships with someone who has an addiction or other mental illness. When our loved one is engaging in behavior that is harmful, we want to be able to stop the behavior, and try to control it as a result. This can take on many forms, including obsessing about it, worrying, monitoring/managing the other person, changing our own behavior, and ignoring our own needs.
One of the easiest ways to step out of this pattern is through practicing detachment: shifting our beliefs to accept we cannot control another person, and it is not our job to try. The addiction recovery field has been teaching the concept of ‘detaching with love’ for decades (Beattie, 1992).
We can begin to accept the premise of detachment by learning to focus on our own needs. When you find yourself focused on the other person: – their behavior, emotions, or needs – bring focus back to yourself. Ask yourself ‘What am I feeling and why?What do I need most right now?’ Then, do something to take care of yourself based on those needs.
As with most change, this will likely feel uncomfortable at first. With practice, detaching with love and focusing on yourself will become easier.
Learning to detach with intention and purpose is a process that takes time. A trained mental health professional can provide support and guidance for adopting these concepts in a way that benefits you as an individual.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group
You can contact her at:
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent No More. Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden.
EMDR-Phases 3&4 Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy approach that works to reduce distressing emotions that are linked to traumatic memories. EMDR treats the mental health conditions, often anxiety, depression or other symptoms, which occur because of the memories we have stored from these traumatic […]
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy approach that works to reduce distressing emotions that are linked to traumatic memories. EMDR treats the mental health conditions, often anxiety, depression or other symptoms, which occur because of the memories we have stored from these traumatic events.
In my first article on the phases of EMDR we looked at Phases 1&2-Client History/Treatment Planning and Preparation. Now we will look at Phases 3&4-Assessment and Desensitization.
Phase 3- Assessment
In phase three the client and therapist will work together to identify
the target memory that triggers emotional distress. This includes what incident caused the trauma? (Was it sexual assault, an accident, the death of a relative etc.?),and what is the most consistent image associated with the memory?
The first step is for the client to select a specific image or mental picture from the target event that best represents the memory. Then the client chooses a statement that expresses a negative self-belief associated with the event. Common negative cognitions could be statements such as, “I am helpless,” “I am worthless,” “I am unlovable,” “I am dirty,” “I am bad,” etc.
During phase three of EMDR therapy, a positive belief is also chosen to help counteract the negative emotions caused by the trauma. The client will pick a positive self-statement that he would rather believe. This statement could be “I am worthwhile/lovable/a good person/in control” or “I can succeed.”
The therapist will then ask the person to estimate how true the positive belief feels using the 1-to-7 Validity of Cognition (VOC) scale. “1” equals “completely false,” and” 7″ equals “completely true.” It is important to give a score that reflects how the person “feels,” not” thinks.”
During the Assessment Phase, the person identifies the negative emotions (fear, anger) and physical sensations (tightness in the stomach, headache) he or she associates with the target. The client also rates the level of disturbance, but uses a different scale called the Subjective Units of Disturbance (SUD) scale. This scale rates the feeling from 0 (no disturbance) to 10 (worst) and is uses this score to assess the disturbance that the client feels throughout the processing.
The goal of EMDR treatment, is for SUD scores of disturbance to decrease while the VOC scores of the positive belief to increase.
Phase 4- Desensitization
Phase four is where the processing of the memory and negative beliefs takes place. The therapist will use some form of Bilateral Stimulation (BLS) to stimulate the mind/brain to process whatever trauma is currently being held in the conscious mind. This usually involves instructing the client to follow hand movements back and forth or hold tappers in each hand.
After a number of eye movements or other form of BLS occur, the therapist will stop and ask, “What are you noticing now?” The client will comment in just a few words what they are noticing. This may be part of the memory, a feeling, or a body sensation. Most of the healing happens while the client is reviewing the memory with the BLS. The therapist will ask the client to continue by stating “Go with that”. The process then continues.
Depending upon the intensity of the response to the trauma, your therapist may adjust the length, speed and type of stimulation used to create the eye movements.
The therapist may have to “circle back” to the original memory multiple times depending on how deep or complex the trauma is, but the process remains the same. The therapist will keep asking the client to hold the memory and the belief and the feelings in mind, while also completing the BLS.
Eventually the memory will feel different. It will have less energy.
The therapist will keep offering BLS until the client is able to grade the memory at a much lower level of disturbance on the 1-10 scale, ideally at a zero –now the memory no longer bothers them. This is the goal of EMDR; to get the client from a point where the memory goes from 8 or 9 out of ten for intensity and unpleasantness, down to a 0-1 out of ten.
During reprocessing, maladaptively stored events are desensitized, integrated, and adaptively stored.
In my third and final segment of the phases of EMDR we will look at phases 5-8-Installation, Body scan and Re-evaluation.
If you have experienced trauma of any kind, and feel you could benefit from EMDR to reduce symptoms and to improve quality of life, feel free to reach out to me at Marsh Psychology Group.
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
” https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
Resources:
https://www.emdria.org/public-resources/the-eight-phases-of-emdr-therapy/
Unless you’ve been living under a proverbial rock, you no doubt are aware that inflation is the highest it’s been in decades. From gas at the pumps to food and utilities, most of us are struggling to make ends meet. And without question, this is causing massive stress. If you are feeling intense stress from […]
Unless you’ve been living under a proverbial rock, you no doubt are aware that inflation is the highest it’s been in decades. From gas at the pumps to food and utilities, most of us are struggling to make ends meet. And without question, this is causing massive stress.
If you are feeling intense stress from the impact of inflation, here are some things you can do:
Be Honest
One of the worst things you can do when feeling stress and anxiety is to pretend you’re not. Be honest with yourself and others about what you’re feeling. The old saying goes, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” Ignoring your feelings or pretending they aren’t there will only make them louder and louder.
Get Your Mind Off of Things
Equally important as being honest about your stress is not obsessing over it. You really need to unplug from the stress of the economy and distract yourself with something. Mindless activities are actually a great way to quiet those stressful thoughts. Go for a run. Clean your kitchen. Watch an old movie. Whenever the anxiety begins to creep up, stop and do an activity that will calm you.
Find Joy
It’s important to step back and recognize that no matter how crazy the world gets and no matter how stressed we are, there is still plenty of joy all around us. On our darkest days, the sun still shines. Make sure to spend time each day noticing all of those small things that bring joy and happiness into your life. The perfect latte. A sunset. Your child’s laughter. Be thankful for each and every one of these. Gratitude is the great elixir of stress and sadness.
These are just a few ways you can cope with the stress of inflation. You may also want to speak to someone if your stress turns into unmanageable anxiety or depression. If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
SOURCES:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/inflation-stress-anxiety-mental-health_l_62d958ade4b0aad58d18015b
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/how-to-prepare-for-inflation-coping-with-financial-stress/
https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/18/rising-inflation-has-made-people-feel-anxious-here-are-ways-to-cope.html
The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down. Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how: Be Fully Present Trust and respect must be earned by both […]
The number one ingredient to any healthy and stable relationship is good communication. When communication is poor, relationships break down.
Whether they are platonic, romantic or revolve around business, your relationships will thrive if you improve your communication with others. Here’s how:
Be Fully Present
Trust and respect must be earned by both parties. And this requires giving each other your full attention. Keep distractions like cell phones out of the conversation. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.
Use “I” Statements
One of the biggest things that make a person tune out during a conversation is when they are told they are doing something wrong. YOU do this or YOU do that is not the best way to get your feelings across.
Try using more “I” statements. These statements focus on your feelings without casting blame on the other person.
So as an example, instead of saying, “You’re always late!” You can instead say, “I worry when you haven’t shown up and I haven’t heard from you.”
See the difference?
Avoid Negative Communication Patterns
Poor communication is typically the result of negative communication patterns. These include things like passive aggressiveness, ignoring the other person when they are speaking, and yelling.
While you may not be able to change your own negative communication patterns overnight, you can commit to becoming more aware of them and when they happen, stop the pattern and change it.
These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.
If you’d like to explore counseling, please reach out to me. I’d love to help you reconnect with your partner.
SOURCES:
https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
https://www.verywellmind.com/communication-in-relationships-why-it-matters-and-how-to-improve-5218269
https://us.calmerry.com/blog/relationships/9-ways-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship/
College students deal with a lot of stress. Sadly, not many reach out for support or help. Eventually their stress turns into anxiety and depression. To have a positive college experience, good mental health is required. Counseling offers numerous benefits to college students. Here are only a few: Counseling Helps with Problem-Solving […]
College students deal with a lot of stress. Sadly, not many reach out for support or help. Eventually their stress turns into anxiety and depression.
To have a positive college experience, good mental health is required. Counseling offers numerous benefits to college students. Here are only a few:
You can learn a lot in college, but you won’t necessarily learn how to problem solve. And without question, solving problems is one of the key ingredients to having a happy and purposeful adult life.
Counseling can also help you recognize the feelings you’re feeling. If we don’t fully understand what is going on inside of us, we can linger there, remaining lost instead of processing and moving forward in our life.
Whether you want to create lasting bonds with friends, get closer to that special someone, or simply understand where your parents and professors are coming from, counseling can help you foster and strengthen relationships. You’ll gain insights into who you are, who others are, and begin to shift your perspective when clarity is needed.
There is scientific evidence that suggests social support helps to build resilience against stress. Counseling offers massive support and provide students with the guidance they need for success.
If you are a college student that is facing major challenges, trying to reach a new goal, looking for peace of mind or your purpose, you don’t have to go it alone. Counseling can provide the tools to help you navigate your life.
If you would like someone to talk to, give me a call. I’d be more than happy to speak with you more about how I can help!
SOURCES:
https://arizonahypnotherapyclinic.com/health-news/benefits-of-counseling-for-college-students/
https://www.coe.edu/student-life/student-life-resources/health-wellness/mental-health-counseling/potential-benefits-counseling
Postpartum Depression Symptoms of postpartum depression can include: Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness Loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable Difficulty bonding with or caring for the baby Changes in appetite or sleep patterns Difficulty concentrating or making decisions Fatigue or low […]
Postpartum Depression
Symptoms of postpartum depression can include:
It is important to note that these symptoms can also occur as a normal part of the “baby blues,” which is a temporary and milder form of depression that affects many women after giving birth. However, if these symptoms persist or worsen, it is important to seek help from a healthcare provider or mental health professional to determine the best treatment plan.
There are several methods of recovery from postpartum depression, including:
Postpartum depression is a common and treatable condition, and that with proper treatment, it is possible to fully recover and enjoy motherhood. Do not hesitate to reach out for help if you or someone you know is experiencing postpartum depression.
Claudia Coxx, MSW, LMSW
248-860-2024 ext 505
Ccoxx@marshpsychologygroup.com
Do you ever get up in the morning and wonder if it would be okay for you to take a mental health day? If so, you’re definitely not alone. In fact, research from the American Psychological Association shows that today’s workforce is experiencing job burnout at alarming rates. What are Mental Health Days Exactly? […]
Do you ever get up in the morning and wonder if it would be okay for you to take a mental health day? If so, you’re definitely not alone. In fact, research from the American Psychological Association shows that today’s workforce is experiencing job burnout at alarming rates.
What are Mental Health Days Exactly?
The good news is that taking a mental health day every once in a while can absolutely help you cope with work-related stress. But mental health days should not be confused with sick days.
Mental health days are simply those times when you need to take a break from anything work related. These personal days are used to reset your mind by focusing on activities that rejuvenate and reenergize you.
The following are some red flags that are letting you know you need to put your mental health first:
You Feel Run Down
Being stressed and overworked can take a toll on your mind and body. If you’ve been feeling run down for a period of time, take a break.
You Feel Angry More Often
When we feel stressed and burned out, we become angry far more easily and far more often. If you find you have been getting easily irritated, this is a sign it may be time for a mental health day.
You’re Having a Hard Time Focusing
When we’re stressed, our mental faculties take a hit and we can’t focus as easily. This makes it incredibly hard to get any work done. Which of course just makes us feel more stressed.
If you notice your cognitive abilities have declined a bit, may be time to call off work for a day of destressing.
If you have been experiencing any of these signs, I encourage you to put your mental health first and take a mental health day. And if you would like to speak to someone about how you’re feeling, please reach out to me. I’m a great listener and have numerous tools for coping with stress that I can share with you.
SOURCES:
https://info.totalwellnesshealth.com/blog/mental-health-day-from-work
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/signs-you-need-a-mental-health-day/
https://www.livestrong.com/article/13767705-how-to-take-mental-health-day/
Your nervous system runs and powers every organ and every other system, from your brain to your digestion, breathing and beyond. But what many people don’t consider is that the natural aging process, toxins and diseases can damage your nervous system, and therefor your overall health and well-being. What does the nervous system do? Your […]
Your nervous system runs and powers every organ and every other system, from your brain to your digestion, breathing and beyond. But what many people don’t consider is that the natural aging process, toxins and diseases can damage your nervous system, and therefor your overall health and well-being.
Your nervous system is a bit like the Internet. But instead of nodes, your nervous system is a large network of specialized cells called neurons that “talk to each other.” These messages, which are really electrical signals, travel between your brain, skin, organs, muscles and glands. And all of the messages help your body to feel sensations, move and work correctly, and help important information get back to the brain.
Once you begin to understand that the nervous system is what powers the rest of your body, all of its organs and other systems, you begin to realize how important it is to keep your nervous system healthy. Any hit to your nervous system can result in headaches, migraines, muscles spasm, learning difficulties and more.
So how do you keep your nervous system healthy?
If you’re someone who hasn’t given much thought to your nervous system and all it does for you, it’s time you start. Take care of it and it will take care of you!
SOURCES:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/21202-nervous-system
https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/nervous-system
https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/neuro/conditioninfo/functions
How To Feel Your Feelings One of the basic foundations of most therapy work is to have awareness of one’s emotions as they come up. But this awareness can often be focused on our thoughts about the emotion instead of feeling it. For example, if someone has anxiety about an upcoming social event, they might […]
How To Feel Your Feelings
One of the basic foundations of most therapy work is to have awareness of one’s emotions as they come up. But this awareness can often be focused on our thoughts about the emotion instead of feeling it. For example, if someone has anxiety about an upcoming social event, they might have the thought ‘I am anxious about this event.’
They might even be able to observe the specific thoughts they are having about the event: picturing the worst that could happen, anticipating discomfort, thinking of ways to avoid the event, etc.
While this is important awareness to have, it enforces the idea that our feelings are something we THINK and ignores the physical experience of feeling them.
Feelings and the Body
Our emotions do not just exist in our brains, they are experienced in our bodies.
While this person is focused on thoughts about their anxiety, they will likely have less awareness of the physical sensations their body is experiencing. For example, anxiety could cause faster breathing, sweating, fluttering in the stomach, heart racing, or shaking.
Even if we know these are physical symptoms of anxiety, we usually do not take the time to fully experience the sensations in the moment. In fact, many of us avoid attuning to our physical experience of emotions because we want to avoid discomfort. But avoiding the physical feelings works against us because it does not allow the emotions to be processed fully, and they will last longer as a result.
By developing the skill of experiencing and connecting with how our emotions feel in the body, we can become better able to allow them to come and go as they are meant to.
A Step by Step Guide to Feeling Your Feelings
Developing this awareness through practice will allow you to be able to eventually tune in to your physical sensations in the moment when you are triggered. This will help in processing and releasing your emotions, as well as better informing you in how to communicate your feelings and needs to others.
Sometimes previous experiences, such as trauma, cause one to become even more disconnected from the awareness of their body, which will make it difficult to access physical sensations. If for any reason you find this practice too challenging to do on your own, working with a mental health professional can help guide you in becoming more attuned to your body in a safe way.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group
You can contact her at:
(248)860-2024
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Source: Emily McDowell, @emilyonlife
At some point in our lives, most of us will experience anxiety. It’s actually a natural reaction to many stressors such as starting a new job, taking final exams, and becoming a new parent. Now for many people, the anxiety will subside once the stressor goes away. But for others, anxiety becomes persistent and even […]
At some point in our lives, most of us will experience anxiety. It’s actually a natural reaction to many stressors such as starting a new job, taking final exams, and becoming a new parent.
Now for many people, the anxiety will subside once the stressor goes away. But for others, anxiety becomes persistent and even excessive, even without obvious stressors, interfering with daily life. In these cases, the person is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, roughly 31% of adults in this country will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their life. In fact, according to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health condition in the United States.
Anxiety disorders include:
Anxiety can trigger symptoms such as:
If you are suffering with an anxiety disorder, life may feel overwhelming most of the time. But know that there is help out there for you. Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, can reduce or eliminate your uncomfortable symptoms. Your therapist can also assess you to see if you are a good candidate for an anti-anxiety medication, at least to start. Of course, I have found there are plenty of alternative options, such as deep breathing, acupuncture, and other relaxation techniques, that have helped my clients find calm and peace.
If you’d like to explore therapy options, please reach out to me. Life can get better.
SOURCES:
https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/types-of-anxiety
https://www.hhs.gov/answers/mental-health-and-substance-abuse/what-are-the-five-major-types-of-anxiety-disorders/index.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-cube/202204/4-types-anxiety