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EMDR-Phases 3&4 Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy approach that works to reduce distressing emotions that are linked to traumatic memories. EMDR treats the mental health conditions, often anxiety, depression or other symptoms, which occur because of the memories we have stored from these traumatic […]
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy approach that works to reduce distressing emotions that are linked to traumatic memories. EMDR treats the mental health conditions, often anxiety, depression or other symptoms, which occur because of the memories we have stored from these traumatic events.
In my first article on the phases of EMDR we looked at Phases 1&2-Client History/Treatment Planning and Preparation. Now we will look at Phases 3&4-Assessment and Desensitization.
Phase 3- Assessment
In phase three the client and therapist will work together to identify
the target memory that triggers emotional distress. This includes what incident caused the trauma? (Was it sexual assault, an accident, the death of a relative etc.?),and what is the most consistent image associated with the memory?
The first step is for the client to select a specific image or mental picture from the target event that best represents the memory. Then the client chooses a statement that expresses a negative self-belief associated with the event. Common negative cognitions could be statements such as, “I am helpless,” “I am worthless,” “I am unlovable,” “I am dirty,” “I am bad,” etc.
During phase three of EMDR therapy, a positive belief is also chosen to help counteract the negative emotions caused by the trauma. The client will pick a positive self-statement that he would rather believe. This statement could be “I am worthwhile/lovable/a good person/in control” or “I can succeed.”
The therapist will then ask the person to estimate how true the positive belief feels using the 1-to-7 Validity of Cognition (VOC) scale. “1” equals “completely false,” and” 7″ equals “completely true.” It is important to give a score that reflects how the person “feels,” not” thinks.”
During the Assessment Phase, the person identifies the negative emotions (fear, anger) and physical sensations (tightness in the stomach, headache) he or she associates with the target. The client also rates the level of disturbance, but uses a different scale called the Subjective Units of Disturbance (SUD) scale. This scale rates the feeling from 0 (no disturbance) to 10 (worst) and is uses this score to assess the disturbance that the client feels throughout the processing.
The goal of EMDR treatment, is for SUD scores of disturbance to decrease while the VOC scores of the positive belief to increase.
Phase 4- Desensitization
Phase four is where the processing of the memory and negative beliefs takes place. The therapist will use some form of Bilateral Stimulation (BLS) to stimulate the mind/brain to process whatever trauma is currently being held in the conscious mind. This usually involves instructing the client to follow hand movements back and forth or hold tappers in each hand.
After a number of eye movements or other form of BLS occur, the therapist will stop and ask, “What are you noticing now?” The client will comment in just a few words what they are noticing. This may be part of the memory, a feeling, or a body sensation. Most of the healing happens while the client is reviewing the memory with the BLS. The therapist will ask the client to continue by stating “Go with that”. The process then continues.
Depending upon the intensity of the response to the trauma, your therapist may adjust the length, speed and type of stimulation used to create the eye movements.
The therapist may have to “circle back” to the original memory multiple times depending on how deep or complex the trauma is, but the process remains the same. The therapist will keep asking the client to hold the memory and the belief and the feelings in mind, while also completing the BLS.
Eventually the memory will feel different. It will have less energy.
The therapist will keep offering BLS until the client is able to grade the memory at a much lower level of disturbance on the 1-10 scale, ideally at a zero –now the memory no longer bothers them. This is the goal of EMDR; to get the client from a point where the memory goes from 8 or 9 out of ten for intensity and unpleasantness, down to a 0-1 out of ten.
During reprocessing, maladaptively stored events are desensitized, integrated, and adaptively stored.
In my third and final segment of the phases of EMDR we will look at phases 5-8-Installation, Body scan and Re-evaluation.
If you have experienced trauma of any kind, and feel you could benefit from EMDR to reduce symptoms and to improve quality of life, feel free to reach out to me at Marsh Psychology Group.
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
” https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
Resources:
https://www.emdria.org/public-resources/the-eight-phases-of-emdr-therapy/
EMDR Phase 1&2 Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy approach. EMDR treats mental health conditions that occur because of the memories we have from traumatic events in the past. In this article I will be addressing phases 1&2 of EMDR. I will follow up with an […]
EMDR Phase 1&2
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, commonly known as EMDR, is a mental health therapy approach. EMDR treats mental health conditions that occur because of the memories we have from traumatic events in the past.
In this article I will be addressing phases 1&2 of EMDR. I will follow up with an additional article addressing phase 3&4 and finally in my third and final article, I will address phases 5-7.
Phase 1: History and Treatment Planning
Phase 1 generally takes 1-2 sessions but can continue throughout the therapy process, especially if new issues are revealed. In the first phase of EMDR treatment, the therapist takes a thorough history of the client and develops a treatment plan. This phase will include a discussion of the specific problem that has brought him into therapy, the clients behaviors stemming from that problem, and the symptoms.
The therapist will assess the client’s readiness for EMDR. The client and therapist start toidentify possible targets for EMDR processing. These include distressing memories and current situations that cause emotional distress. Other targets may include related incidents from the past.
Initial EMDR processing often are connected to childhood events rather than to adult-onset stressors. Clients generally gain insight into their situations; the emotional distress resolves and they start to change their behaviors. The length of treatment depends upon the number of traumas and the age of onset.
EMDR therapy is most effective when a client feels a connection with the therapist – a sense that the therapist: 1. Has the client’s best interest in mind (that sense of ‘I’ve got you’): 2. Will help the client to feel safe: 3. Will help the client to feel grounded and present
A big part of Phase 1 and 2 is establishing this relationship between the therapist and client.
Phase 2: Preparation
For most clients this will take 1-4 sessions. For others, with a very traumatized background, or with certain diagnoses, a longer time may be necessary.
During the second phase of treatment, the therapist ensures the client has several different ways of handling emotional distress. The therapist may teach the client a variety of strategies and stress reduction techniques the client can learn and practice during and after sessions. In Phase 2 we are preparing for the worst. We are looking for the client’s ability to regulate, their ability to stay safe, and their ability to connect. We are investigating what they are currently doing and looking for any imbalance. In this phase we are making sure the client has all the tools and resources needed to begin the reprocessing of memories. We are looking for the dangerous issues and safety issues, as well as the annoying things and connection issues, that will impede the healing process. The therapist may talk about the Window of Tolerance and strategies to make your window larger.
Once a client can reduce emotional distress using the tools they were taught, they are generally able to proceed to the next phase
We want the client to get through the processing as quickly and safely as possible. We want to address all questions and concerns the client may have. The therapist’s task here is to understand what it is like to be the client as completely as possible.
An important goal of EMDR therapy is to make sure that the client can take care of him or herself.
In my next article on EMDR, we will look at phases 3&4.
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
” https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
Sources:
https://www.emdria.org/public-resources/the-eight-phases-of-emdr-therapy/
Image: https://britishpsychotherapy.co.uk/emdr-2/
Managing Your Anxiety with Simple Grounding Techniques When we are in a state of psychological distress it can be difficult to stay present. We are either focused on worry and fear about the future, experiencing a flashback of a previous event, or in a state of dissociating. Whether we are experiencing anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, […]
Managing Your Anxiety with Simple Grounding Techniques
When we are in a state of psychological distress it can be difficult to stay present. We are either focused on worry and fear about the future, experiencing a flashback of a previous event, or in a state of dissociating. Whether we are experiencing anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, or triggered by something as the result of previous trauma, grounding techniques can help to bring down our level of distress. These techniques work to orient us to the present moment and can have a physical effect on our nervous system, which calms the body and decreases the level of activation we feel.
Here are some simple techniques to try:
-Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to help orient you to your surroundings and the present. Take a moment to look around you. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch (it helps to actually touch them), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
-Pick one of the 5 senses and focus on that. Some examples:
Touch: Hold an ice cube in your hands. Pay attention to how it feels
Sound: Play music and focus on it, noticing the different sounds
Smell: Use essential oils, especially those that promote calm such as lavender
Taste: Choose a food with a strong taste such as a mint and focus on that while you eat it
Sight: Look around you and choose a color you see. Name all the things you see that are that same color.
Being outside and around our natural surroundings helps us feel more connected to the present. Take time to notice what is happening around you. Do you feel the warmth of the sun, or is it cold? Maybe you hear the leaves blowing in the wind, or birds chirping. Try closing your eyes to get more connected to things you experience through senses other than sight.
To get the grounding benefits of exercise you do not need to run a marathon. Simply going for a walk outside can help. If you are experiencing a higher level of distress, a more vigorous activity might be more beneficial, such asdoing a few jumping jacks. Feelings are energy in our bodies, and this will help to move and let go of some of the activation we are feeling.
This is a simple technique proven to help calm your nervous system. It is also good for distracting from distressing thoughts because it takes some attention to keep counting out the breath. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts.
Repeat as many times as you need. Here is a link to a guided Square breathing that uses sound and does the counting for you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfUGpJE1D9o
Try practicing and get in the habit of using these skills when you are not distressed so it will be easier to use them when you need some grounding.
These techniques are meant to address the experience of psychological distress in the moment. If you find yourself having difficulty staying grounded and these skills are not enough, working with a therapist can help to address the underlying causes.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group.
You can contact her at:
(248)860-2024
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Not many of us will get through life without facing our own share of challenges. But some people experience not just stress and strife, but actual trauma. Trauma may come in the form of a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, a physical accident such as a car accident, rape, the sudden loss of a loved […]
Not many of us will get through life without facing our own share of challenges. But some people experience not just stress and strife, but actual trauma. Trauma may come in the form of a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, a physical accident such as a car accident, rape, the sudden loss of a loved one, or war.
When a person experiences trauma, their entire world changes almost instantly. Many trauma survivors have a hard time feeling safe and secure. They begin to feel anxiety and depression, have trouble sleeping, and may experience other behavioral changes that are frightening to them and their loved ones.
When you have experienced trauma and begin to see some of the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it’s time to explore treatment so you can begin healing. The idea of therapy can feel scary and overwhelming to people with PTSD, mainly because they need to have a sense of total control to feel safe.
But trauma therapy is really something that can empower an individual with PTSD. With the help of a caring and qualified mental health professional, the person can begin to process past events, stripping that traumatic event of its power.
Trauma therapy is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and has the potential to actually change the way your brain works through what is called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity simply means our brains and neural pathways (how we think and feel) are malleable. Through specific mental health tools and strategies, we can retrain our brains to let go of the fear and begin to heal.
Some of the goals of trauma therapy are:
If you or a loved one are living with PTSD, it’s important that you recognize the symptoms and seek help. Life does not have to continue to be scary or overwhelming. There are strategies that can help you process your pain so that you may continue to live your life full of joy and peace.
If you would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be very happy to help you leave the past in the past and move on to brighter tomorrows.
SOURCES:
How You Can Heal from Developmental Trauma:
Developmental Trauma is a term used to describe childhood trauma, such as chronic abuse, neglect or other harsh adversity which occurred in the home. When a child is exposed to overwhelming stress, and their caregiver does not help reduce this stress, or is the cause of the stress, the child experiences developmental trauma. Children then becomes at risk for a host of complex emotional, cognitive, and physical illnesses that can last throughout their adult lives.
Developmental traumas are also called Adverse Childhood Experiences. (ACEs). ACEs can be Abuse, Neglect or household dysfunction.
ACE’s can include having a parent with mental illness or substance abuse, losing a parent due to divorce, abandonment or incarceration, witnessing domestic violence, not feeling loved or not feeling close to family members, not having enough food or clean clothing, as well as direct verbal, physical or sexual abuse.— ACEs can harm developing brains, predisposing people to autoimmune disease, heart disease, cancer, depression, and a number of other chronic conditions;decades after the trauma took place.
In the famous study known as the Adverse Childhood Events (ACE) study, adults who experienced a higher number of adverse experiences were found to have much higher rates of serious physical health outcomes, high-risk health behaviors, and early illness and mortality.These outcomes can include, lack of physical activity, smoking, alcoholism, drug use, missed work, obesity, depression, diabetes, suicide attempts, STD’s, heart disease, stroke and more.
Knowledge is Power. Once you understand that your body and brain have been harmed by the biological impact of early emotional trauma, you can begin to take the necessary, steps to reduce the effects of the early adversity left on your neurobiology. You can begin to heal. You can reduce the increased chance of inflammation, depression, addiction, physical pain, and disease. Science tells us that biology does not have to be destiny. ACEs are part of our past, but the effects of our trauma does not have to dictate our present. We can rewire our brains. Even if we have been set on high reactive mode for decades, we can still lower our risks. We can respond to life’s inevitable stressors more appropriately and shift away from an overactive inflammatory response.
Here are some steps to take to start the healing process: There is no better time to begin your transformation.
Take the ACE questionnaire.
The single most important step you can take toward healing and transformation is to fill out the ACE questionnaire and share your results with your health-care practitioner. For many people, taking the 10-question survey helps to normalize the conversation about adverse childhood experiences.
Begin Writing to Heal.
Write down your story of childhood adversity, using a technique psychologists call “writing to heal”. Over a four day period, write down your deepest emotions and thoughts about the emotional challenges that have been influencing your life the most. In your writing, let go, and explore these events and how they have affected you. You might tie this experience to your childhood, your relationship with your parents, people you have loved or love now. Write continuously for twenty minutes a day. The exercise of writing about your emotions and thoughts has been proven to have positive effects on health.
Practice mindfulness meditation
Research indicates that individuals who have practiced mindfulness meditation and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) show an increase in gray matter in the same parts of the brain that are damaged by adverse childhood experiences.
Choose a time every day to focus on your breath. Learn diaphragmatic breathing and grounding techniques. Your breath is the best natural calming treatment—and it has no side effects.
Yoga
When children face ACEs, they often store decades of physical tension from a fight, flight, or freeze state of mind in their bodies. Studies show that yoga decreases blood flow to the amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, and increases blood flow to the frontal lobe and prefrontal cortex, which help us to react to stressors in healthier ways. Yoga has also increase levels of GABA—or gamma-aminobutyric acid—a chemical that improves brain function, promotes calm, and helps to protect us against depression and anxiety.
Build Social Connections
Research has found that having strong social ties improves outcomes for men and women with cancer, autoimmune disorders, or other chronic diseases. This is because positive interactions with others boost our production of oxytocin, a “feel-good” hormone that dials down the inflammatory stress response
EMDR Therapy
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that helps individuals remember difficult experiences safely and relate to those memories in ways that no longer cause pain in the present. EMDR therapists help patients to trigger memories and the connected emotions and beliefs. As the patient recalls specific difficult experiences, they are asked to complete eye movements with the therapists help. These eye movements are similar tothe healing action of REM sleep.
EMDR creates a neurobiological state that helps the brain change neural connections that have been dysregulated by chronic, unpredictable stress and past experiences-often ACE’s. This change can lead to a reduction of the traumatic memories we store in the brain and calm the brains alarm center.
Therapy
Sometimes, the long-lasting effects of childhood trauma are just too great to tackle on our own.Part of the power of therapy lies in allowing ourselves to finally form an attachment to a safe person. A therapist’s unconditional acceptance helps us to change the circuits in our brain that tell us that we cannot trust anyone. With this change, we can begin to grow new, healthier neural connections and begin to heal.
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
Sources: 8 ways people recover from post childhood adversity syndrome; Donna Jackson Nakazaw
What is Developmental Trauma / ACE’s- Portico, Canada’s mental health and addiction network
The Invisible Trauma: Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding what didn’t happen in childhood, and how it is causing your unhappiness today When we think of abuse and neglect, it usually brings to mind concrete examples of intentional harm through physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. But there is another common form of mistreatment that often occurs in […]
The Invisible Trauma: Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding what didn’t happen in childhood, and how it is causing your unhappiness today
When we think of abuse and neglect, it usually brings to mind concrete examples of intentional harm through physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. But there is another common form of mistreatment that often occurs in childhood and goes largely unnoticed. When a child’s emotional needs are routinely overlooked, ignored, invalidated, or unaddressed, we call it emotional neglect.
“But I wasn’t Abused”
Many adults who are dealing with the effects of emotional neglect are hesitant to see there was a problem in the way they were raised, and even remember having good childhoods: their physical needs were met, no one overtly mistreated them, they had a loving family. Emotional Neglect can be difficult to recognize because it most often happens unintentionally. The parent was unable to meet the child’s emotional needs, whether it be the result of an addiction, mental illness, being focused on other things (work, divorce, illness), or simply not having the skills necessary to nurture the child’s emotional experience. In an emotionally neglectful environment, the child is shown their feelings are not important or are wrong. When this occurs, the child learns to detach from and ignore their own feelings, and this continues into adulthood if not addressed.
Here are common signs of Emotional Neglect:
1)You feel empty or disconnected from feelings, you are unable to identify and express feelings
2)You feel guilt or shame about your needs or feelings
3)You fear being dependent on others, and you reject offers of help
4)You do not seem to ‘know’ yourself: your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses
5)You are hard on yourself and give others more compassion than you give yourself
6)You are easily overwhelmed and discouraged
7)You have low self-esteem and are sensitive to rejection
8)You believe you are flawed; feel there is something inherently wrong with you that you cannot name
So What Can I Do About it Now?
Because emotional neglect is caused by caregivers who were not attuned to your emotions and did not acknowledge them adequately, you can start by doing this for yourself. Begin to check in with yourself throughout the day and identify how you are feeling, and why. Avoid judging or criticizing how you feel; work on accepting your emotions. Once you are able to identify, accept, and connect with your emotions, you can learn to support your own needs and communicate them to others.
This process takes time and can be significantly enhanced with the support of a mental health therapist who can help guide you in learning to meet your own emotional needs.
Sources:
-Webb, J., & Musello, C. (2019). Running on empty: Overcome your childhood emotional neglect
-https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202001/9-signs-childhood-emotional-neglect-and-3-ways-heal
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a fully licensed social worker who specializes in teen mental health issues. Contact her at:
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Marsh Psychology Group: 248-860-2024
Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. This can be from events like being involved in a bad car accident, rape, a natural disaster, or war. The result of experiencing such events is […]
Most of us won’t get through life without our own fair share of stress and heartache. But some people experience not just stress, sadness or grief, but actual trauma. This can be from events like being involved in a bad car accident, rape, a natural disaster, or war.
The result of experiencing such events is called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition where the mind is unable to process the event as it processes ordinary life events. The result is a brain that misfires information, causing the person to live much of their life distressed, as if the event were still happening to them.
Symptoms of PTSD
There are many symptoms associated with PTSD, but the most common ones are:
• Nightmares
• Flashbacks
• Psychological and physiological distress at reminders
• Avoidance of internal and external reminders
• Dissociative amnesia
• Negative beliefs about oneself and the world
• Distorted blaming of oneself
• Negative persistent emotional states
• Loss of interests
• Detachment from loved ones
• Hyper vigilance
• Exaggerated startle response
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Self-destructive or reckless behavior
Causes of PTSD
Researchers are not altogether clear on why some people experience PTSD and others don’t. What makes one soldier come home from war with PTSD and another one not develop the disorder?
The best we can guess is that development of PTSD is likely from a combination of complex factors such as neurological, stress, life experiences, personality, and genetics. It is also worth mentioning that pre-traumatic psychological factors (low self-esteem, for example) may increase the risk factor for developing PTSD.
How Can Trauma be Treated?
The most common form of treatment for PTSD is something called cognitive behavioral therapy. This kind of therapy involves meeting with a specially-trained therapist over a number of sessions to learn strategies and techniques that will reduce and/or eliminate symptoms of PTSD such as recurring thoughts, emotional numbness, sleep issues, and concentration problems. Beyond finding a trained therapist, it’s important to find one you and your family feel comfortable with, so make sure to interview a few candidates to see who might help you on your journey to wellness.
If you or a loved one are suffering from PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to see how I may be able to help.
SOURCES
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ptsd/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-causes/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-relief/201707/what-is-ptsd-exactly
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/trauma-focused-cognitive-behavior-therapy
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, is a therapeutic protocol used in the treatment of mental and emotional trauma. It has been widely praised in the United States and is currently used by agencies such as the American Psychiatric Association, the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, and the Departments of Defense and Veterans […]
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, is a therapeutic protocol used in the treatment of mental and emotional trauma. It has been widely praised in the United States and is currently used by agencies such as the American Psychiatric Association, the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, and the Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs.
Those suffering from PTSD caused by major traumas such as sexual or physical assault, combat experiences, accidents or the sudden death of a loved can benefit from EMDR therapy. Sessions work to alleviate PTSD symptoms like flashbacks and nightmares, angry outbursts, difficulties sleeping and concentrating, and feelings of depression and isolation.
Recent research has pointed to the fact that PTSD can also result from less dramatic life events, such as hurtful experiences during childhood. In some cases, these can cause even more symptoms of PTSD than major traumas like combat or terrorist attacks.
In either case, once trauma has been experienced, there is a disruption in how the brain processes information. In a “normal” brain that has not experienced a shocking event, processing systems digest information about what has been experienced and make appropriate connections. Those reactions to the event that are no longer useful, any emotions or physical sensations, are released.
However, when an individual experiences a traumatic event, this processing system is disrupted and the negative memories and emotions, as well as physical sensations and beliefs, are stored in the brain. These stored traumatic interpretations mingle with current events to color them negatively. In short, the past becomes the present.
The Benefit of EMDR Therapy
EMDR is an effective protocol to treat these unprocessed past memories that are poisoning the present. EMDR is able to remove the anxiety, fear and sadness that cause individuals to avoid or overreact to situations.
EMDR techniques allow individuals to identify early memories that are the root of their problems and change their emotions, thoughts, and even physical sensations surrounding them. These same techniques can also help people achieve desired goals by understanding why they do what they do and how they can manage life and their own behaviors better.
EMDR is used to treat a variety of issues including:
If you or a loved one suffer from any of the above and believe you may benefit from EMDR, please contact me. I would be happy to discuss how I and this particular therapy approach might help.
As we head into summer, many people are already getting their backyards and patios ready for big family BBQs and holiday get-togethers. Summer is definitely a time for relaxing and having some fun with the people you love most. But the summer holiday get-togethers can be extremely hard to handle when you are grieving the […]
As we head into summer, many people are already getting their backyards and patios ready for big family BBQs and holiday get-togethers. Summer is definitely a time for relaxing and having some fun with the people you love most.
But the summer holiday get-togethers can be extremely hard to handle when you are grieving the recent death of a loved one. Many people aren’t sure how to handle the dichotomy of wanting to be around those they love, and yet feeling the sadness for their loss.
If you are wondering how to deal with your grief during the upcoming summer holidays, here are some tips I hope will help:
Feel Your Pain
Recognize that grieving is an important part of healing. Stuffing your feelings down will only prolong your grief. If your instinct is to avoid all get-togethers in an effort to not feel your pain, you may want to rethink your decision.
Choose Wisely
While you shouldn’t completely avoid being social with your loved ones, you don’t have to attend every summertime get-together. Choose the events that you think you can handle and say “no” to the ones that may bring you to a very dark place. Be firm with loved ones who may try and convince you to attend, thinking it will be good for you. Ultimately, you are the only one who knows how you feel and what you can handle.
Have an Escape Plan
Be sure to drive yourself to the event if you can so you can leave when you want or need. If you must get a ride, try to get one with someone who will take you home when you need to go. You may also want to download the Uber or Lyft app as another option.
Honor Your Loved One
Find news ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive during the summer holidays. You could make their favorite dish or baked item to bring to the BBQ. You could also light and release sky lanterns. Creating unique ways to memorialize your loved one will help you keep their memory with you during this time.
It may also help to speak with someone over the summer months. A therapist can offer tools to cope as well as guide you along your grieving path to wellness. If you’re interested in treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.