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Anxiety and the Avoidance Trap Avoidance is a common behavior associated with anxiety. For example, if someone has social anxiety, they might avoid attending social gatherings where they would be expected to interact with a lot of people. This avoidance feels like a relief initially because the threat of experiencing uncomfortable symptoms goes away. While […]
Anxiety and the Avoidance Trap
Avoidance is a common behavior associated with anxiety. For example, if someone has social anxiety, they might avoid attending social gatherings where they would be expected to interact with a lot of people. This avoidance feels like a relief initially because the threat of experiencing uncomfortable symptoms goes away. While it makes logical sense in the moment, avoidance makes anxiety worse over time.
Every time this person says ‘no’ to a social gathering, they are enforcing the idea they cannot handle the experience and need to avoid it to be safe. As they lose confidence in their ability to tolerate discomfort, they will be more likely to avoid it again the next time. What starts with large gatherings could develop into avoiding other situations. Over time, their life becomes increasingly limited.
If avoidance is not the answer, how do we best address anxiety around specific triggers? The answer is the opposite of avoidance: exposure. Find ways to begin to tolerate anxiety-causing situations, and the uncomfortable feelings that result, by developing coping skills. Start slowly with something just outside of your comfort zone to begin to build confidence and tolerance, and work toward addressing larger triggers.
Depending on the severity of one’s anxiety and the extent of avoidance, exposure can be extremely difficult to do without help. Working with a mental health professional can provide the support and guidance needed to face anxiety and overcome the avoidance cycle.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a fully licensed clinical therapist with Marsh Psychology Group. Contact her at:
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Marsh Psychology Group: 248-860-2024
“Imposter Syndrome” in the Workplace
“Imposter Syndrome,” while not a diagnosable condition within the mental health community, is a widely-experienced phenomenon within the professional world in which a person feels a chronic sense of inadequacy and/or as if they are not truly qualified for their respective position (despite the person’s actual qualifications). “Imposter Syndrome” can be present among any demographic group; however, it is a mindset most commonly experienced among women and minority groups.
“Imposter Syndrome” can be displayed in a number of ways within the work environment, including seeking constant reassurance about one’s job performance, difficulty “speaking up” during staff meetings, “overachieving” behaviors, perfectionistic tendencies, working significantly longer hours than required or expected of one’s position, attendance issues (typically due to early “burn out” and/or workplace anxiety), and even mannerisms perceived as “arrogant” by coworkers (typically as a compensatory measure).
If feelings and/or behaviors caused by “Imposter Syndrome” are left unaddressed, these experienced negative feelings will only worsen, potentially leading to extreme job dissatisfaction, decreased self-esteem, depressive- and/or anxiety-related symptoms, and even quitting or being terminated from one’s place of employment.
Therefore, if you recognize “Imposter Syndrome” tendencies within your own workplace behaviors, here are some strategies that may assist you:
1. Objectively evaluate your work performance. Are you completing the tasks expected of you in a satisfactory and timely manner? Is your attendance satisfactory? What are your strengths and areas that challenge you? What are ways in which you wish to grow and advance in your career? Provide yourself with objective feedback in these areas on a regular basis. Implementing self-calming techniques, such as deep breathing, will assist in your ability to remain objective.
2. Practice compassionate yet constructive self-talk. Provide yourself with regular positive reinforcement regarding your work performance. In identifying areas of your job in which you are struggling, brainstorm constructive and realistic strategies to improve your performance (seeking feedback from others if needed). An example of compassionate yet constructive self-talk is as follows: “I did a great job stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a leadership role on this project; next time, I will keep my notes available so I am able to communicate my thoughts more clearly.”
3. Remind yourself that YOU were hired for this position. Unless you blatantly misrepresented yourself throughout the hiring process, your employer hired YOU based on your education, credentials, experience, personality traits, and/or other qualities deeming you capable of being successful in your current position. Provide yourself with daily reminders of your capability through positive self-talk and through objective evidence. For example, “Based on my education, experience, and leadership abilities, I
am capable of doing this job, and I deserve my position.” Many people find it helpful to write these daily reminders in a journal.
4. Seek support from others. As stated earlier, “Imposter Syndrome” is most commonly experienced among women and minority populations. It may be helpful to seek supportive resources specifically geared toward women and/or minority populations. These include, but are not limited to, mentors, peers, support groups, and community activism organizations.
5. Set boundaries. Many who experience “Imposter Syndrome” attempt to compensate for their perceived inadequacies by demonstrating “overachieving” behaviors. To minimize these tendencies, it is often helpful to establish a set work schedule and to make a pact with yourself to not lengthen your work hours unless required of your position or only as an occasional exception. Other strategies include delegating tasks (if appropriate), saying “no” to responsibilities outside of one’s job description, and asking for assistance and/or clarification if a particular task is unclear.
6. Establish or maintain appropriate work-life balance. It is critical that each of us engages in activities, interests, hobbies, relationships, etc., separate from our work environment. This is especially important among individuals experiencing tendencies of “Imposter Syndrome,” as the work environment is often a trigger for feelings of anxiety that extend well beyond the work day. Establish (or maintain) a consistent self-care routine that provides consistent fulfillment and feelings of relaxation and contentment for you.
If any of these techniques are especially challenging for you, or if you are experiencing difficulty coping with work-related stress, it may be helpful to seek the services of a mental health professional.
-Sierra Shapiro, MS, LPC
Sierra Shapiro is a staff psychotherapist at Marsh Psychology Group. You can reach her at 248-860-2024 or Sshapiro@marshpsychologygroup.com
The Importance of Self-Care Self-care is a critical part of our lives, and developing and maintaining a consistent self-care regimen is one of the most important components of psychological well-being. However, we oftentimes have difficulty with the process of developing a a consistent self-care routine and incorporating it into our day-to-day lives. Everyday Responsibilities […]
The Importance of Self-Care
Self-care is a critical part of our lives, and developing and maintaining a consistent self-care regimen is one of the most important components of psychological well-being. However, we oftentimes have difficulty with the process of developing a a consistent self-care routine and incorporating it into our day-to-day lives.
Everyday Responsibilities and the Pandemic
In normal times, we have multiple responsibilities, such as career obligations, school obligations, family obligations, relationship obligations that vie for our energy. But what is the impact of meeting these expectations while managing the chronic uncertainty of a global pandemic. What is the impact of this combination? That book you were so excited to read lies untouched on your nightstand. Your new body lotion remains unopened in the Target bag. Your stomach is upset due to poor meal choices because you just “don’t have time” to prepare or purchase a balanced meal. You haven’t reached out to your support system because “everyone is busy” and you don’t want to be a burden, or (even worse) make plans you will end up cancelling because you are mentally drained.
With this in mind, I invite you to think of it this way: we wouldn’t go without food for three months because we have work deadlines; we wouldn’t go without sleep for a month because we are helping a friend experiencing a difficult time; so, why do we so thoughtlessly go without self-care?
Self Care
Self-care is vital. It is invigorating. It is rejuvenating. It does not have to be expensive or complicated, and it does not have to be perfect the first time. Self-care is a journey like all other areas of our lives, and you might not fully enjoy your first attempts at regularly implementing self-care practices into your life. Here are some expamples of self-care.
Painting
Guided meditation
Dancing to a favorite song
Taking a walk
Yoga
Prayer
Reading
Watching a favorite movie/TV show
Coloring in an adult coloring book
Knitting
Cooking/Baking
If you are having trouble, remember to keep it simple. Think of the five senses. What is visually appealing to you (colors, artwork, nature, architecture, the birds frequenting the feeder in your backyard, etc.)? What sounds do you enjoy? What are some of your favorite foods? What are your favorite scents? What hands-on activities can you engage in to satisfy your sense of touch (cooking, gardening, playing with your pet for five minutes before grabbing your phone in the morning, etc.)?
I invite you to begin with 10 minutes per day. Remind yourself that self-care is a vital area of your life and not an occasional treat.
If you are unable to motivate yourself, or find the usual things you do to take care of yourself are not helping, meeting with a mental health professional may be your next step. A therapist can help you develop a self care routine, provide support, and increase your coping skills.
Sierra Shapiro, MS, LPC is a psychotherapist at Marsh Psychology Group. She can be reached at sshapiro@marshpsychologygroup.com or 248-860-2024
The Invisible Trauma: Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding what didn’t happen in childhood, and how it is causing your unhappiness today When we think of abuse and neglect, it usually brings to mind concrete examples of intentional harm through physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. But there is another common form of mistreatment that often occurs in […]
The Invisible Trauma: Childhood Emotional Neglect: Understanding what didn’t happen in childhood, and how it is causing your unhappiness today
When we think of abuse and neglect, it usually brings to mind concrete examples of intentional harm through physical, sexual, or verbal abuse. But there is another common form of mistreatment that often occurs in childhood and goes largely unnoticed. When a child’s emotional needs are routinely overlooked, ignored, invalidated, or unaddressed, we call it emotional neglect.
“But I wasn’t Abused”
Many adults who are dealing with the effects of emotional neglect are hesitant to see there was a problem in the way they were raised, and even remember having good childhoods: their physical needs were met, no one overtly mistreated them, they had a loving family. Emotional Neglect can be difficult to recognize because it most often happens unintentionally. The parent was unable to meet the child’s emotional needs, whether it be the result of an addiction, mental illness, being focused on other things (work, divorce, illness), or simply not having the skills necessary to nurture the child’s emotional experience. In an emotionally neglectful environment, the child is shown their feelings are not important or are wrong. When this occurs, the child learns to detach from and ignore their own feelings, and this continues into adulthood if not addressed.
Here are common signs of Emotional Neglect:
1)You feel empty or disconnected from feelings, you are unable to identify and express feelings
2)You feel guilt or shame about your needs or feelings
3)You fear being dependent on others, and you reject offers of help
4)You do not seem to ‘know’ yourself: your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses
5)You are hard on yourself and give others more compassion than you give yourself
6)You are easily overwhelmed and discouraged
7)You have low self-esteem and are sensitive to rejection
8)You believe you are flawed; feel there is something inherently wrong with you that you cannot name
So What Can I Do About it Now?
Because emotional neglect is caused by caregivers who were not attuned to your emotions and did not acknowledge them adequately, you can start by doing this for yourself. Begin to check in with yourself throughout the day and identify how you are feeling, and why. Avoid judging or criticizing how you feel; work on accepting your emotions. Once you are able to identify, accept, and connect with your emotions, you can learn to support your own needs and communicate them to others.
This process takes time and can be significantly enhanced with the support of a mental health therapist who can help guide you in learning to meet your own emotional needs.
Sources:
-Webb, J., & Musello, C. (2019). Running on empty: Overcome your childhood emotional neglect
-https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/202001/9-signs-childhood-emotional-neglect-and-3-ways-heal
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a fully licensed social worker who specializes in teen mental health issues. Contact her at:
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Marsh Psychology Group: 248-860-2024