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We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change. And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable? Think of the amount of courage […]
We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change.
And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable?
Think of the amount of courage it takes to allow yourself to be in a position where your heart might get broken. To say “I love you” first. How much courage does it take to put yourself out there and make new friends? Go for that promotion? Rely on others instead of only ourselves?
We know the obvious benefits of courage. Wars are won, bad guys are put in jail, people are saved from burning buildings. But how can we benefit from being vulnerable?
More Intimacy
Opening up to another human being and sharing your deepest emotions is what ultimately builds healthy and lasting relationships. When we expose our authentic selves, we set ourselves up for potential heartache, yes, but also for ultimate connection.
Better Self-Worth
Being vulnerable also allows us to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all. This helps us to STOP comparing ourselves to others and experience a tremendous boost in our self-esteem and self-worth.
It Begets Compassion
Getting comfortable with our own vulnerability means we can also be comfortable with others’. And this means, in those times when the people in our lives show their vulnerability to us, we can respond with compassion.
Start the Journey
As they say, every journey starts with a single step. Your journey toward embracing your own vulnerabilities will also start with a single step. This may mean spending more quiet time alone. It may mean the next time a good friend asks, “How are you?” you tell them the truth.
It may also mean digging deep and uncovering some old wounds and darkness that you have been ignoring. And for this part of the journey, you may want to consider seeking guidance from a trained therapist who can offer tools and advice.
If you’d like some assistance on your journey, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
RESOURCES:
October is National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month, a time when clinicians and their communities come together to spread awareness and combat mental illness. By working together, we can all promote the importance of mental health screenings while reducing the stigma associated with mental health illnesses. Common Symptoms of Depression The following […]
October is National Depression and Mental Health Screening Month, a time when clinicians and their communities come together to spread awareness and combat mental illness. By working together, we can all promote the importance of mental health screenings while reducing the stigma associated with mental health illnesses.
The following are some of the most common symptoms of depression. If you or someone you love has been experiencing one or more of these nearly every day for at least two weeks, it’s a sign you or they may be suffering from depression:
It’s common for people battling depression to feel worse during the holidays. That’s one reason why the month of October was chosen as the awareness month; because it gives people plenty of lead time to get help before the festivities hit.
During this time, many clinicians, hospitals, and mental health facilities will either reduce or completely waive the fees for mental health screenings. This makes it far easier for those individuals who believe they may be suffering from depression to receive an affordable and accurate diagnosis.
If you or someone you love is suffering from depression, it’s important to get screened. After your screening, a qualified practitioner will discuss a treatment plan with you that may include talk therapy, medication, or a combination of the two.
If you are someone who has recovered from depression, it’s a wonderful idea to share your journey with others if you feel comfortable doing so. Often when people are struggling with their own darkness, knowing someone has walked through to the other side and is living once again in the light, can offer hope and encouragement.
If you or someone you love is interested in speaking with a trained therapist, please reach out to me. I would be happy to discuss how I might help.
SOURCES:
For many children, childhood is a time of wonder, play, and discovery. These children have parents who give them the safety and security to explore the world around them and grow to reach their full potential. But some children have one or more parents who lack the right skills or behavior to allow their […]
For many children, childhood is a time of wonder, play, and discovery. These children have parents who give them the safety and security to explore the world around them and grow to reach their full potential.
But some children have one or more parents who lack the right skills or behavior to allow their children to feel safe, secure, and unconditionally loved. Those children who are raised by someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often experience prolonged trauma, and the effects of this trauma can linger into adulthood.
When we hear the word narcissist, we often think of certain politicians or celebrities who are known for their boastful and arrogant behavior. And while these traits are definitely annoying, narcissism is far more complex and destructive to those in the relationship with the narcissist, particularly children.
The main characteristics of narcissism are a lack of empathy and the inability to recognize the emotional needs of others. Narcissistic parents also tend to view their offspring as competition while simultaneously denying them independent personhood.
Some other key characteristics of narcissistic parents include:
The following are some common ways kids, and adult children of narcissists, feel about themselves and life in general:
Low Self-Worth
You grow up feeling unseen and unheard. Your emotional needs never really mattered.
Codependency
Narcissistic parents make sure it’s ALWAYS about them. Children grow up feeling 100% responsible for making sure their parent’s needs (financial, emotional, and otherwise) are taken care of. They do not learn how to form healthy boundaries, only how to please others.
Crippling Self-Doubt
Narcissists are liars and manipulators. They will “gaslight” their children into believing a false reality. As a result, children grow up with crippling self-doubt, never believing they can trust their own feelings.
If you believe one or both of your parents was a narcissist and you are suffering from any of these aftereffects, you CAN heal. Working with a therapist who specializes in recovery from narcissistic abuse can put you on the path to self-love, self-compassion, and greater joy and intimacy with others.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me.
RESOURCES:
An Introduction to Dialectical Behavior Therapy: 1. Mindfulness Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidenced-based type of psychotherapy developed to help individuals manage emotions and symptoms of mental illness. It includes four different modules that will be explained in a series starting with Mindfulness in this article. Mindfulness has become a buzz word in recent […]
An Introduction to Dialectical Behavior Therapy: 1. Mindfulness
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidenced-based type of psychotherapy developed to help individuals manage emotions and symptoms of mental illness. It includes four different modules that will be explained in a series starting with Mindfulness in this article.
Mindfulness has become a buzz word in recent years, and for good reason. Being mindful is increasingly challenging as our lives become more focused on technology, and most of us are running on auto-pilot to manage our packed schedules. Mindfulness is simply paying attention to the present without judgment, being aware of what is happening in your mind, in your body, and in your surroundings. It is easy enough to see how detached we can become from the present when we think of an activity like driving. Do you have full awareness of your actions every time you use your blinker or look in the mirror? Something we tend to do so often becomes automatic, to the point we might not even fully remember getting from one point to another!
While this lack of awareness has become the norm, it can cause problems with our mental health. When we go through the motions without checking in with ourselves to notice how we are feeling and responding to things, we become ungrounded and detached from ourselves and our experiences.
Learning to become more mindful in our everyday lives is a process that takes time, but even starting with small practices can help. Mindfulness is the foundation for being able to improve our emotional experience and mental health.
DBT teaches the following ideas for mindfulness:
Here are some ways to build mindfulness skills:
If you feel you need more guidance to incorporate mindfulness skills and improve your mental health, a licensed mental health professional can help.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Marsh Psychology Group
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets. New York: Guildford Press
High-functioning anxiety is a mild type of anxiety that impacts an individual physically and mentally but does not inhibit their ability to function in daily life. High-functioning anxiety is not a clinical psychological diagnosis, but this anxiety is still very real for anyone experiencing it. With high functioning anxiety, we walk through life silently carrying the burden of anxiety while outwardly living successfully.
The symptoms of high functioning anxiety include an variety of mental, physical, and emotional effects that influence a person’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Because there are so many symptoms of anxiety disorders, no two people will have the same experience.
The emotional and behavioral symptoms of high-functioning anxiety could include:
Symptoms of high-functioning anxiety can start to take their toll on a person’s overall mental and physical health. It could also get worse over time or lead to other behavioral health conditions like substance abuse or depression.
Coping Strategies for High-Functioning Anxiety
Some potential ways to cope with high-functioning anxiety may include:
There are many healthy practices available for dissipating anxiety. Different strategies work for everyone, just as everyone’s anxiety takes different forms. Consulting a mental health professional can help you find what works best for you.
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
For some people, working from home is a normal routine. This is, after all, the gig economy, and many people have been freelancing, making a living from their home office for many years now. But for others, working from home is a completely new phenomenon brought about by the global pandemic. For this second group […]
For some people, working from home is a normal routine. This is, after all, the gig economy, and many people have been freelancing, making a living from their home office for many years now. But for others, working from home is a completely new phenomenon brought about by the global pandemic.
For this second group of people, working from home has completely changed their day-to-day lives, and many have found their overall health has taken a toll. With lockdowns and social distancing still mandated in many areas of the country, it’s a good idea to discuss some things you can do to stay healthy while you continue to work from home:
We’ve all heard the stories of people admitting they aren’t showering as often and are staying in their PJs all day. While this was fun and novel at the beginning of the pandemic, allowing this to continue can negatively impact your mental and physical health.
It’s important to keep a daily routine. This means setting an alarm, showering, dressing, etc.
You may not even realize how much more you used to move around at your office or place of work. The office kitchen and bathroom were probably farther away, and you took breaks just to chat with coworkers. It’s important that you get up from time to time and move around at home as well.
It will be FAR TOO EASY to put on weight when working from home unless you make sure to get rid of most junk food and instead, stock up on healthy food and snacks.
Not everyone is cut out for working from home as it can be isolating. If you’re used to being around a lot of people and are feeling lonely, be sure to check in with friends and coworkers throughout the day.
None of us really know when life will return to normal. If you are forced to work from home at this time, be sure to follow these tips so you can stay healthy!
SOURCES:
We live in a society that values things that appear perfect. And I suppose there are things that can be perfect. Architects can draw the perfect straight line, mathematicians can solve an equation with a perfect calculation, and a chocolate cake can be perfectly moist. But as human beings, we can never reach a state […]
We live in a society that values things that appear perfect. And I suppose there are things that can be perfect. Architects can draw the perfect straight line, mathematicians can solve an equation with a perfect calculation, and a chocolate cake can be perfectly moist.
But as human beings, we can never reach a state of perfection because we will always be a work in progress. Perfection indicates a finality – a finished product – but we as humans are always growing and changing.
Many people view perfectionism as a positive attribute. They believe the more “perfect” they are, the more success they will have in life.
Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as always doing your best. It is important that we always do our best. By doing so, we can experience healthy achievements and growth. But perfectionism takes this concept to the extreme.
People with perfectionist tendencies often have self-defeating thoughts and/or behaviors that actually make it HARDER to achieve their goals. Perfectionism also can make the individual feel stress, anxiety, and depression.
Most human beings, from time to time, will strive for perfectionism in some aspect of their life. As an example, that “perfectly moist chocolate cake” I mentioned earlier got that way because the person who baked it was trying to get everything JUST RIGHT as a gift for someone’s birthday.
But there are those people who are “full-time” perfectionists. They strive for perfection in all aspects of their life.
Here are some signs you may be a perfectionist:
Again, perfectionism is not the same thing as doing your best. It is a condition whereby the individual is almost incapable of feeling joy or pride at what they accomplish because in their own minds, they are never quite good enough.
If you believe you may have traits of perfectionism and it is causing you stress, there are things you can do to change your behavior so you can live a healthier and happier life.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
SOURCES:
When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent. But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, […]
When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent.
But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, because life transitions can often include loss: loss of a job, a marriage, and loved ones. During these life transitions, we can feel out to sea, completely at the mercy of the tides that seem to be tossing our lifeboat around.
If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed right now because you are facing one or more life transitions, here are some ways you can navigate these choppy waters:
Slow Down
Have you noticed that the pace of life has picked up? Most likely your heartbeat and breathing have also picked up as a response. It’s time to slow down.
As simple as it may sound, slow, deep breaths are a powerful way to tell your body that everything is okay. Right now, your body is in “fight or flight mode,” as you subconsciously, and maybe even consciously, feel you are being attacked. Making time each day to be still, away from the noise and chaos to breathe deeply and slowly, will slow down your heart rate and make you feel calm and peaceful.
Embrace Uncertainty
I know, it seems completely counterintuitive if not downright impossible. But when we surrender control and embrace the unknown, with an almost scientific curiosity about outcomes, we feel positive emotions (curiosity, wonder) instead of negative emotions (lost, out of control).
Acknowledge the Cycles of Life
Someone once said, “This too shall pass.” Life, like weather, has seasons. While you may feel stuck right now and like nothing is going the way you hoped or planned, recognize the truth, which is, this too shall pass. Transitions are just that, an uncomfortable bridge from one part of life to the next.
Fall Back on Traditions
Rites of passage have been used for thousands of years in all cultures to help people transition from one place in life to another. It’s time to call upon this ancient wisdom of our ancestors and empower ourselves.
Rites of passage put us in the driver’s seat. We can acknowledge that things MUST change because we intuitively understand that the human journey is all about facing challenges and becoming new versions of ourselves.
Life, such as it is, throws us curve balls and sadness and things that cast fear and doubt into our vision. This is natural and no one escapes.
But there ARE ways to navigate these challenges. Try these three tips. And if you’d like additional help along your journey, please get in touch with me.
SOURCES:
It is incredibly common to struggle with the process of setting and accomplishing goals. And due to this difficult process, many of us end up feeling defeated or as if we have some sort of character flaw. This way of thinking can not only keep us from practicing goal setting but can have negative […]
It is incredibly common to struggle with the process of setting and accomplishing goals. And due to this difficult process, many of us end up feeling defeated or as if we have some sort of character flaw. This way of thinking can not only keep us from practicing goal setting but can have negative impacts on our overall self-esteem. The process of setting and accomplishing goals is a vital component to our overall mental health and emotional wellbeing; therefore, it is extremely important that we do not abandon the practice of goal setting and goal accomplishment.
Below are some tips to assist you in successfully setting and accomplishing your goals:
| Large/Undefined Goals: | Simple and Specific Goals: |
| Keep my home cleaner | Make my bed every weekday morning |
| Be more social | Have dinner with a friend once per week |
| Get more exercise | Do 15 minutes of exercise four days per week |
| Goal: | Behavior: | “All-or-Nothing” Thinking: | Challenging “All-or-Nothing” Thinking: |
| Make my bed every weekday morning | Missed a day of making my bed due to running late for work | “Since I missed today, I’ll just skip the rest of the week; I can’t keep up with this anyway.” | “It’s okay that I missed one morning; I will pick up where I left off and start making my bed again tomorrow morning.” |
If you are finding any of the concepts and/or techniques described in this blog particularly difficult, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a mental health professional.
-Sierra Shapiro, MS, LPC
Managing Your Anxiety with Simple Grounding Techniques When we are in a state of psychological distress it can be difficult to stay present. We are either focused on worry and fear about the future, experiencing a flashback of a previous event, or in a state of dissociating. Whether we are experiencing anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, […]
Managing Your Anxiety with Simple Grounding Techniques
When we are in a state of psychological distress it can be difficult to stay present. We are either focused on worry and fear about the future, experiencing a flashback of a previous event, or in a state of dissociating. Whether we are experiencing anxiety, stress, feeling overwhelmed, or triggered by something as the result of previous trauma, grounding techniques can help to bring down our level of distress. These techniques work to orient us to the present moment and can have a physical effect on our nervous system, which calms the body and decreases the level of activation we feel.
Here are some simple techniques to try:
-Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to help orient you to your surroundings and the present. Take a moment to look around you. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch (it helps to actually touch them), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
-Pick one of the 5 senses and focus on that. Some examples:
Touch: Hold an ice cube in your hands. Pay attention to how it feels
Sound: Play music and focus on it, noticing the different sounds
Smell: Use essential oils, especially those that promote calm such as lavender
Taste: Choose a food with a strong taste such as a mint and focus on that while you eat it
Sight: Look around you and choose a color you see. Name all the things you see that are that same color.
Being outside and around our natural surroundings helps us feel more connected to the present. Take time to notice what is happening around you. Do you feel the warmth of the sun, or is it cold? Maybe you hear the leaves blowing in the wind, or birds chirping. Try closing your eyes to get more connected to things you experience through senses other than sight.
To get the grounding benefits of exercise you do not need to run a marathon. Simply going for a walk outside can help. If you are experiencing a higher level of distress, a more vigorous activity might be more beneficial, such asdoing a few jumping jacks. Feelings are energy in our bodies, and this will help to move and let go of some of the activation we are feeling.
This is a simple technique proven to help calm your nervous system. It is also good for distracting from distressing thoughts because it takes some attention to keep counting out the breath. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts.
Repeat as many times as you need. Here is a link to a guided Square breathing that uses sound and does the counting for you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfUGpJE1D9o
Try practicing and get in the habit of using these skills when you are not distressed so it will be easier to use them when you need some grounding.
These techniques are meant to address the experience of psychological distress in the moment. If you find yourself having difficulty staying grounded and these skills are not enough, working with a therapist can help to address the underlying causes.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a Clinical Therapist with Marsh Psychology Group.
You can contact her at:
(248)860-2024
lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com