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There was a time when the phrase passive-aggressive was rarely uttered among non-psychologists. But it’s a phrase that is mentioned often these days. The problem is, passive-aggressive behavior is almost so common, that it’s hard for people to pinpoint what that behavior looks like exactly. Do you know any passive-aggressive people? Chances are you do. […]
There was a time when the phrase passive-aggressive was rarely uttered among non-psychologists. But it’s a phrase that is mentioned often these days.
The problem is, passive-aggressive behavior is almost so common, that it’s hard for people to pinpoint what that behavior looks like exactly.
Do you know any passive-aggressive people? Chances are you do. But do you know the real behaviors to spot? If not, keep reading to find out.
Passive-aggressive people love playing the part of the victim and martyr. Therefore they’ll never just come out and say “no” to something. Instead, they’ll go along with others’ plans and needs, and then sigh, shake their head and roll their eyes because they didn’t get their own way. Do you know anyone like this?
Every other sentence out of their mouth seems to be some form of complaint. They are usually low-grade complaints as again, they try to consistently mask their real feelings. It’s always a guessing game with these people.
“That dress looks so much better on you than the last one that made your hips look big.” Suppressed resentment is their currency and it tends to come out with backhanded compliments.
Do you have a coworker who resents that they weren’t assigned to head your project? Do they show up to work late? Work at a snail’s pace? Take long breaks? When passive-aggressive people don’t get their way, they will throw their brand of a tantrum so everyone suffers.
If pushing buttons were an Olympic event, the passive-aggressive person would bring home the gold, silver AND bronze medals. Once they know what annoys you, they can’t help but push, push, push.
Have you ever had a roommate, colleague or romantic partner take a call that you had been waiting for and then “accidentally” forgot to give you the message? Whoopsie! This is to teach you a lesson: don’t ever ask me to do anything for you again.
Have you ever known someone who seemed brilliant in so many instances, and yet, in a second, they become the Absent-Minded Professor? They suddenly forgot where they placed the very important documents you need for the board meeting? Or where they put your purse (why did they even touch or move your purse??!!). Again, these are instances of someone who has deep-seated anger and resentment, but who can’t just come forth and confront you in a mature and direct manner.
Dealing with passive-aggressive people is never fun. But if you know what signs to look for, you can steer clear as much as possible!
Tips for starting college during a pandemic. Tips to maintain your physical and emotional health.
Toolbox: Going off to College in the age of Covid-19
This year, thousands of freshman will begin their college careers on campuses across the country. While some universities (Harvard, MIT, etc.) closed their campuses fall semester, many are opening their dormitory doors in the hopes that some semblance of campus life can be created, even in these challenging times.
But this year will be different. Freshmen/women will have another layer of stress to combat. In addition to the normal challenges of transitioning to university life, they have to contend with COVID-19 . Here are some tips to help prepare and succeed this year:
I wish you great success on your university adventure! Here’s to discovering amazing things in your studies and about yourself!
Be well,
Dr. Marsh
EMDR–EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION & REPROCESSING “Traumatic experiences may have happened long ago, and we may not recognize how much they affected us. The negative emotions, behaviors, beliefs, and sensations that cause chronic problems generally can be tracked back to these unprocessed memories. In that way, the past stays present. EMDR can help you make […]
“Traumatic experiences may have happened long ago, and we may not recognize how much they affected us. The negative emotions, behaviors, beliefs, and sensations that cause chronic problems generally can be tracked back to these unprocessed memories. In that way, the past stays present. EMDR can help you make sense of the trauma-based symptoms (like anxiety, panic attacks, sadness, anger/rage, phobias) and identify their cause”-Dr. Francine Shapiro, from her book “Getting Past Your Past.”
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is a well-researched psychotherapy approach that enables people to heal from emotional distress and symptoms related to trauma. Trauma based experiences affect the way a person views themselves and others. The resulting negative emotions, beliefs, or behaviors become the symptoms of a person’s suffering, not its cause. While many therapies work on minimizing symptoms, EMDR targets the cause: trauma-based memories that are “frozen” or unprocessed in the brain’s memory network. Discovered in the late 1980s by Dr. Francine Shapiro, EMDR gave new hope to combat veterans that were experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a condition regarded as difficult to treat. Her research hypothesized that when trauma-based memories were re-processed in the sufferer’s brain, the distressing symptoms decreased or disappeared altogether. Over the last 25 years, EMDR therapy has evolved into a comprehensive, highly effective therapy used in healing people that have experienced both large and small traumas.
How Does it Work
The goal of EMDR therapy is to completely “process” past traumatic events that are causing symptoms in a person’s current life. “Processing” does not mean just talking about negative memories, or identifying ways to minimize the related symptoms such as anxiety, depression or feelings of unworthiness, for example. It means setting up a learning state that allows these past experiences to be filed and stored appropriately in the brain’s memory network. This often results in increased insight regarding both previously disturbing events and long held negative thoughts about the self. During an EMDR session, the client may call to mind a visual image related to the memory, a resulting negative belief about self, and the related emotions and body sensations that occur. During this part of the therapy, the client follows right-to-left eye movement to repeatedly activate opposite sides of the brain, like what happens during REM sleep when memories are “processed”. Research has shown that the long-term effects of untreated childhood trauma get carried over into adulthood and are passed down to the next generation. Adults who grew up with physical/sexual/verbal abuse, physically or mentally ill parents, bullying, family dysfunction, domestic violence, family members with addictions, etc. most likely experienced a great deal of trauma as children. In adulthood, the trauma now presents itself through symptoms such as anxiety, depression, job performance issues, substance abuse, chronic low self-esteem, anger/rage, etc. EMDR has been used to effectively treat thousands and thousands of people who experienced forms of early childhood trauma.
What is a Session Like?
EMDR therapy is an eight-phase treatment that starts with comprehensive history-taking to get a clear understanding of the client’s memory, associated negative beliefs, desired positive beliefs, and accompanying body sensations. Once the clinician has determined which memory to target first, the client is asked to recall the worst aspect of the memory together with the accompanying negative beliefs and bodily sensations. The client will be directed to move their eyes from side to side or employ some other form of bilateral stimulation (BLS) via visual, auditory, or tactile experiences. Within the client’s brain, associations arise, and the client will begin to process the memory and the related negative feelings in a more adaptive way. The memory that was once charged with emotion becomes less distressing. In successful EMDR therapy, the meaning of painful events is transformed on an emotional level. For instance, a victim of a rape shifts from feeling horror and powerlessness to “I survived it and I am strong.” EMDR therapy leaves clients feeling empowered by the very experiences that once crippled them.
If you experience any of these trauma-based symptoms, ask your therapist if EMDR is right for you.
ANGER/RAGE EATING DISORDERS PTSD or ANXIETY DEPRESSION
FEARS/PHOBIAS INTIMACY ISSUES SEXUAL ADDICTIONS PANIC ATTACKS
SUBSTANCE ABUSE SOCIAL ISOLATION DIFFICULTY TRUSTING FEAR OF FAILURE
EXTREMEGUILT/SHAME LOW SELF-ESTEEM PERFORMANCE ANXIETY
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is an individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief, and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Carol is EMDR trained. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
Tips for supporting someone through a panic attack It goes without saying, having an anxiety attack is distressing for the person experiencing it. But witnessing a loved one in a state of panic can also be a very stressful event for the observer. Naturally, we want to be helpful to someone we care about when […]
Tips for supporting someone through a panic attack
When you live with an anxiety disorder, any moment can become one that creates a slow-rising panic within you. Life is normal one second and the next, you feel your chest tighten and your heart begin to race. You may begin to hyperfocus on future events and find yourself getting lost in “what-ifs.” To make […]
When you live with an anxiety disorder, any moment can become one that creates a slow-rising panic within you. Life is normal one second and the next, you feel your chest tighten and your heart begin to race. You may begin to hyperfocus on future events and find yourself getting lost in “what-ifs.”
To make matters worse, you may then begin to berate yourself for allowing the panic to get the best of you and begin to believe that all of those what-ifs are indisputable facts.
Luckily there are many powerful tools and techniques you can use to manage your anxiety effectively.
The minute you feel a panic attack coming on, the first thing to do is stop and gain control of your breath. Deep, slow breathing sends a signal to our brains that everything is safe in our environment. Controlled breathing is one of the most powerful ways to activate your body’s relaxation response. It will take your mind and body out of “fight or flight” mode and put it instantly into a calm and relaxed state.
It’s important to always remember that anxiety is “just a feeling.” And like all feelings, it can go as quickly as it came. You are having an emotional reaction to a string of thoughts. Accept your anxiety because trying to pretend it’s not happening will only make matters worse.
Let’s be clear – by accepting your anxiety, you are not resigning yourself to a life of eternal misery. You are not throwing in the towel and trying to suddenly like your anxiety. Nope. You are simply living a more mindful existence, being in the moment, and accepting whatever is in that moment with you.
One of the most frightening things about a panic attack is the feeling that you are having a heart attack. But you aren’t. Your brain can and will play tricks on you, trying to get you to believe that you are in physical danger. But the truth is, you are not in physical danger. You are having an episode based on emotions and it will pass. Remind yourself of that as many times as you need to.
When your panic attack begins, your mind begins to throw out all sorts of outlandish ideas at you, hoping some of them stick. These thoughts are intended to keep the panic attack going.
Before you take any of these thoughts as reality and truth, question them. For instance, if your mind throws things out like, “No one here likes me. I am for sure going to screw this up. I probably left the stove on. And I’ll no doubt get stuck in bad traffic on the way home and maybe even get a flat so I will then be stranded, and on and on and on…”
Questions these ideas. Are you TRULY not liked by everyone around you? Most likely not. Are you really going to screw up? Probably not. Traffic? Well, maybe but a flat tire? Chances are no.
Always question your thoughts. You will usually find the majority aren’t very realistic or probable.
Picture somewhere serene that brings you peace and calm. Maybe this is your grandparents’ old house or a lake you’ve visited before. Maybe it’s that fantastic beachfront condo from your last vacation. Just picture it in your mind’s eye and really put yourself there. See it, smell it, feel it. Feel how calm it feels to be in this space that is perfectly comforting and safe.
Use these techniques the next time you experience an anxiety attack. They should help you feel much calmer much sooner.
If you would like to explore treatment options for your anxiety, please get in touch with me. I’d would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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Most of us had a childhood filled with both subtle and overt lessons of how people and things “should” be. Our family, culture, and society expect us to fit into a certain mold and behave a certain way. Because of the type of upbringing that many people experience, it can be very difficult for people […]
Most of us had a childhood filled with both subtle and overt lessons of how people and things “should” be. Our family, culture, and society expect us to fit into a certain mold and behave a certain way. Because of the type of upbringing that many people experience, it can be very difficult for people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and asexual (LGBTQA) community to come out to family and friends, and to live openly as who they are.
What Does It Mean to “Come Out”?
For LGBTQA people, to “come out” is to acknowledge and let others know about their sexual or gender identity. There is no wrong way or time to come out; how, when, or if you do so is uniquely personal to you. To not come out means you’re withholding who you are from people you know and may care about, and you may have to lie and pretend. For some people, it’s less stressful to hide than to be open. Don’t feel pressure to come out; you are the only one who can decide what is the best life for you.
Coming Out as an Adult
Coming out later in life poses some unique challenges. By adulthood, many people are already established in their career and may even be married and have children. Family, friends, and co-workers see you in a certain way, and may be shaken when they realize that you are not the person they thought they knew. Not everyone you come out to will be accepting, and some relationships may permanently change.
However, if you’re ready to come out, it means you don’t want to hide anymore and are ready to enrich your life with authenticity. This will inherently bring many benefits to you and your relationships such as reduced stress from hiding your identity, increase your self-esteem by being known and loved for who you truly are, and developing richer and more genuine relationships.
What to Say
You may want to start by writing out what you want to say so you can organize your thoughts and feelings. Some people prefer to tell their loved ones face to face, while others would rather send an email or make a phone call. Whatever way you choose, be sure to come out at a time when you’re not angry or arguing with someone. Also keep in mind that if you receive a negative or less than accepting response, this is just their initial reaction; they may need additional time to process what you’ve shared with them.
Coming out is never easy. It may be difficult and awkward at first, but it will ultimately bring you joy and free you from the burden of hiding an integral part of you who are.
If you’re looking for support and guidance on coming out as an LGBTQA adult, a licensed mental health professional can help. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule an appointment to talk.
Signs of adolescent depression often differ from adult symptoms Teens face many challenges and pressures as a natural part of their development. We expect some difficulty in facing these issues, including changes in moods and behaviors. So how can we determine when these changes go beyond what is considered a ‘normal’ part of development? How […]
Signs of adolescent depression often differ from adult symptoms
Teens face many challenges and pressures as a natural part of their development. We expect some difficulty in facing these issues, including changes in moods and behaviors. So how can we determine when these changes go beyond what is considered a ‘normal’ part of development? How do we know when a teenager is depressed and in need of Mental Health treatment?
According to a 2016 study 10-15% of teens have had a depressive episode, and the rate is increasing. Symptoms of a Major Depressive Episode include:
Some differences in how teens experience depression compared with adults can make it more difficult to recognize. Because peer relationships are the center of adolescent development, teenagers are less likely to withdraw from friends or become socially isolated when depressed. While depressed adults often withdraw from social relationships and activities, teens are more likely to withdraw from adults than peers.
While adults are more likely to become emotionally withdrawn and turn inward when depressed, teens are more likely to act out through expressing anger and irritability. This can lead to teens becoming more defiant and argumentative, especially toward adults.
Because teenagers are still developing a full awareness of themselves and their bodies, they may be more likely to experience somatic symptoms than adults. These include frequent stomachaches, headaches, and other body pains that are not related to any physical condition or cause.
Due to normal developmental processes that occur during adolescence, it can be difficult to determine whether or not an adolescent is suffering from mental illness. If you notice signs of Depression or are worried about your teenager’s behavior, contact a Mental Health Professional for more information.
-Laura Gross, LMSW
Laura Gross is a fully licensed social worker who specializes in teen mental health issues. Contact her at: lgross@marshpsychologygroup.com
Marsh Psychology Group: 248-860-2024
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These are stressful times for all of us. The pandemic, as well as daily life during these uncertain times is testing our emotional resilience. Here are three strategies you can add to your self-care toolbox which will help manage your anxiety and limit worry during all of this uncertainty. 1. Stay in the Present Moment […]
These are stressful times for all of us. The pandemic, as well as daily life during these uncertain times is testing our emotional resilience. Here are three strategies you can add to your self-care toolbox which will help manage your anxiety and limit worry during all of this uncertainty.
1. Stay in the Present Moment
It is easy to be in our head too much, worrying about the past or the future and feeling strung out between the two. It is easy to feel that you are spiraling, and your anxiety is growing. It is easy to get distracted and obsessively follow the news or social media stories and forget about everything else.
Staying in the moment means being present to the here and now. It means not being distracted by the things we cannot control but rather, engaging with what is. We do not have control over the outside world, but we do have control over what is inside of us.
Instead of filling your mind with worrisome news, look at what is going on right in front of you. Get in touch with your senses. What can you see, hear, touch, taste and smell right now? Play with your kids or your pets, cook a new recipe, or take a warm bath. In this way, you are tending to your physical and emotional needs, and this helps you to stay out of your head and stay in the now moment.
During challenging times, pay attention to your body signals like shallow breathing, feeling shaky, feeling chest tightness or lightheadedness. Try not to see these signals as something additional to worry about, but rather as signs that alert you to take a break.
Pause and get still. Be there for yourself.
Reconnect with what is going on around you. Practice a grounding technique by focusing on those five senses and your breath.
2. Feel and Accept Your Feelings
We all experience an increase in uncomfortable feelings during challenging times. If we have to stay at home, there are fewer distractions to take our mind off fearful thoughts and difficult emotions. But remember we are meant to feel our feelings.
Fighting your feelings and running away from them will create more stress.
Let your feelings happen. It will not feel comfortable right away or be easy, but resisting feelings will in the end, be more painful.
Stop telling yourself that you should not feel a certain feeling, or that you are weak or too sensitive or being ridiculous. Stop shaming yourself for feeling whatever you are feeling.
When we invalidate or ignore our feelings, it is harmful to our mental well-being. It breaks down our self-esteem and leaves us feeling defective and alone. It creates a disconnection from ourselves that can lead us to feel confused about our decisions because we no longer know how we feel or what we want.
Staying mentally healthy during difficult times requires you to feel your feelings and to process them, which means not fighting or avoiding them.
3. Engage in Something Meaningful
It is important for our mental well-being is to engage in something meaningful.
When we learn not to make our feelings a problem, it creates the space we need to engage with something meaningful, something that is important to us, and something that brings us joy.
We can choose something new, something fun or active, or something creative. We can come up with new projects or can focus on being productive. We can improve our relationships by having some fun or being caring toward each other. We can take time to play with our kids and pets.
This is not about denying or avoiding the realities of a difficult situation. It is about preserving the mental energy needed to deal with it in the most effective and compassionate way possible.
Whatever it is, choose something. Get present and engage with it. It will take your mind off things. It will give you a break.
A big part of preserving our mental energy and health, is maintaining a sense of purpose in the face of a crisis. So remember, we must stay in the moment as much as possible, feel our feelings, accept ourselves and accept where we are in this process of adjustment and adaption.
Be well,
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW
Carol Van Kampen, LMSW is a individual private practice psychotherapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, grief and trauma treatment at Marsh Psychology Group. Contact her at marshpsychologygroup.com
cvankampen@marshpsychologygroup.com
https://marshpsychologygroup.com/carol-van-kampen-lmsw/
The LGBTQ movement has made some landmark strides in the past decade. The “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, health insurance discrimination has been prevented, and same-sex marriage has been legalized nationwide. This, in combination with greater awareness and visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in society and the media, […]
The LGBTQ movement has made some landmark strides in the past decade. The “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, health insurance discrimination has been prevented, and same-sex marriage has been legalized nationwide. This, in combination with greater awareness and visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in society and the media, has helped LGBTQ teens find the courage to come out to their families and friends.
Though it is easier for teens to come out today than in generations past, that does not mean they do not need support, and plenty of it. Here are a few important ways you can support LGBTQ teens in coming out:
1. Encourage Authenticity
There are different levels of coming out. Some teenagers may find the courage to say the words, yet still have a hard time fully expressing themselves. If left unchecked, this muted self-expression can lead to anxiety and depression down the road. Try to find ways to let young people in your life know they can be 100% authentic around you.
2. Help Create Safe Spaces
Take a look around your local community to see if there are safe spaces for LGBTQ youth. If not, what can you do to change that? You might want to consider contacting school board officials and encourage them to adopt inclusive policies. Another way to ensure your community is safe for LGBTQ teens is to not tolerate hate speech. There are also many resources online that offer the best practices in creating safe spaces for LGBTQ youth.
3. Join the Fight
Though the LGBTQ movement has come a long way, there is still much that needs to be done to ensure full LGBTQ equality. You can join the fight and stay up-to-date on local, state and federal advocacy.
If you know an LGBTQ teen who needs some extra support and encouragement while coming out, you might suggest they speak with a professional counselor who can facilitate communication with family members and also offer coping tools and strategies.
The COVID-19 pandemic has changed our lives in innumerable ways. But, as stressful as this lockdown has been for most of us, we have learned much about ourselves as individuals and as a nation. Another silver lining that has emerged from this crisis is a new awareness and embracing of treatment tools that have been […]
The COVID-19 pandemic has changed our lives in innumerable ways. But, as stressful as this lockdown has been for most of us, we have learned much about ourselves as individuals and as a nation.
Another silver lining that has emerged from this crisis is a new awareness and embracing of treatment tools that have been available for some time. Telehealth (or telemedicine) and online therapy have been around for decades but are now experiencing a surge in popularity because of the mandatory quarantine.
Once life gets back to normal, will these virtual tools fall by the wayside? It’s doubtful because they simply offer too many benefits to patients and providers.
Here are some benefits of online therapy and why you may want to start making the switch:
In some rural areas of the country, it’s not easy to find qualified mental health therapists. Online therapy would provide access to care to anyone that needs it, regardless of where they live.
Online therapy would allow for the integration of behavioral health care and primary care. This will ultimately lead to better outcomes for the patient.
Despite the progress we’ve made over the last couple of decades, there is still a stigma attached to mental health treatments. This stops many people from seeking the help they need. Online therapy means an individual can receive help from the comfort of their home without anyone knowing.
How often do patients cancel appointments or show up late because of other family and/or work responsibilities or traffic jams? Access to online therapy would reduce many of these scenarios.
We are currently seeing a situation where it isn’t safe to be around other people. And yet, should a person lose access to mental health care because of illness and disease? Certainly not.
What about unsafe weather? In many parts of the country, there are snowstorms, icy roads, and hurricanes that make it impossible to travel safely.
Online therapy allows people to receive the help they need, regardless of any unsafe conditions.
Oftentimes the people who need therapy the most are the very people who find it difficult to leave their homes or navigate the outside world. Online therapy allows bedridden patients and those with debilitating chronic illnesses access to the help they need.
I offer online therapy to patients because I want to help as many people as I can as safely as I can. If you’d like to explore this style of treatment, please get in touch with me.
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