My WordPress Blog
Tips for Providing Positive Support to LGBTQ+ Individuals The LGBTQ+ community comprises approximately 4.5 percent of the general population of the United States. Individuals identifying as LGBTQ+ are significantly more likely to have experienced exclusion, alienation, and even blatant discriminatory behaviors within social, academic, and work settings than individuals not identifying as LGBTQ+. Many non-LGBTQ+ […]
Tips for Providing Positive Support to LGBTQ+ Individuals
The LGBTQ+ community comprises approximately 4.5 percent of the general population of the United States. Individuals identifying as LGBTQ+ are significantly more likely to have experienced exclusion, alienation, and even blatant discriminatory behaviors within social, academic, and work settings than individuals not identifying as LGBTQ+. Many non-LGBTQ+ individuals therefore wish to learn specific techniques and develop a better understanding of queer terminology to assist in increasing the comfort level of their LGBTQ+ friends, acquaintances, and/or colleagues. Below are some suggestions of how to provide support and increase the overall comfort level of LGBTQ+ individuals:
1. Do not automatically assume a person is heterosexual. For example, if you meet someone and they inform you they are in a relationship, do not assume their partner is of the opposite gender. Assuming a person is heterosexual forces them to correct you or even omit the truth, potentially making both of you uncomfortable. Attempt to make conversations as neutral as possible in terms of gender identity and sexual orientation.
2. Do not assume a person identifies as “male” or “female.” Do not assume that because someone appears to express themselves in a manner you define as “male” or “female” that they identify as such. Terms such as “non-binary” (i.e., identifying and/or having the experience of a gender that is not exclusively “male” or “female”) are increasingly embraced by individuals feeling as though “one-size-fits-all” descriptors of gender expression are oversimplified and inaccurate. Many individuals identifying as non-binary prefer to be addressed as “they/them.”
3. State your preferred pronouns. To minimize discomfort for queer individuals in making their preferred pronouns known, it can be helpful to develop a habit of stating your preferred pronouns as part of the introductory process. For example, “My name is Sierra, and my preferred pronouns are she/her/hers.”
4. If you are confused, respectfully ask for clarification. If a concept is unfamiliar to you, there is nothing wrong with appropriately and respectfully asking for clarification when it involves increasing the comfort level of those around you. For example, “I want to make sure I’m addressing you correctly; will you please remind me of your preferred pronouns?” Many cisgendered (i.e., those whose gender identity corresponds with their assigned birth sex) and/or heterosexual individuals fear asking queer individuals for clarification and simply avoid interaction with them altogether to minimize their own discomfort, which may inadvertently exclude and/or cause queer individuals to feel alienated.
5. If you make an honest mistake, do not panic. Regardless of our gender expression, gender identity, and sexual orientation, we are all human and we all make mistakes. If you accidentally misgender someone or accidentally assume someone is heterosexual, apologize sincerely and inform the individual that you will be mindful of your language in the future. Emphasize to them that you are in the process of learning this terminology to help to increase their level of comfort, as well as the comfort level of the queer community as a whole.
6. Do not dismiss these concepts as a “phase” or “fad.” One of the biggest misconceptions about the aforementioned terminology is that more recently utilized terms are simply a societal fad and are therefore unimportant to learn and implement regularly. This idea is simply untrue. Non-binary and non-heterosexual identities and orientations have been documented for centuries across numerous cultures around the globe, and society is finally more regularly implementing the terminology to correspond with these identities and experiences. While terminology may evolve with time (as does any terminology), these identities and experiences have existed for centuries, and will continue to do so; therefore, it is important for the comfort level of those around you to familiarize yourself with this terminology.
7. Get involved. There are many activism organizations in which you can express support for LGBTQ+ individuals and/or work to assist in efforts to minimize discriminatory measures against LGBTQ+ individuals. Involvement in one or more of these organizations can greatly assist LGBTQ+ individuals on a broader scale.
If you are an LGBTQ+ individual experiencing discomfort or difficulty regarding any of the aforementioned topics, it may be helpful to seek the services of a mental health professional specializing in issues specific to members of the LGBTQ+ community and/or identifying as an LGBTQ+ ally.
-Sierra Shapiro, MS, LPC
Sierra Shapiro is a staff psychotherapist at Marsh Psychology Group. You can contact her at 248-860-2024 or sshapiro@marshpscyhologygroup.com .
Most of us had a childhood filled with both subtle and overt lessons of how people and things “should” be. Our family, culture, and society expect us to fit into a certain mold and behave a certain way. Because of the type of upbringing that many people experience, it can be very difficult for people […]
Most of us had a childhood filled with both subtle and overt lessons of how people and things “should” be. Our family, culture, and society expect us to fit into a certain mold and behave a certain way. Because of the type of upbringing that many people experience, it can be very difficult for people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and asexual (LGBTQA) community to come out to family and friends, and to live openly as who they are.
What Does It Mean to “Come Out”?
For LGBTQA people, to “come out” is to acknowledge and let others know about their sexual or gender identity. There is no wrong way or time to come out; how, when, or if you do so is uniquely personal to you. To not come out means you’re withholding who you are from people you know and may care about, and you may have to lie and pretend. For some people, it’s less stressful to hide than to be open. Don’t feel pressure to come out; you are the only one who can decide what is the best life for you.
Coming Out as an Adult
Coming out later in life poses some unique challenges. By adulthood, many people are already established in their career and may even be married and have children. Family, friends, and co-workers see you in a certain way, and may be shaken when they realize that you are not the person they thought they knew. Not everyone you come out to will be accepting, and some relationships may permanently change.
However, if you’re ready to come out, it means you don’t want to hide anymore and are ready to enrich your life with authenticity. This will inherently bring many benefits to you and your relationships such as reduced stress from hiding your identity, increase your self-esteem by being known and loved for who you truly are, and developing richer and more genuine relationships.
What to Say
You may want to start by writing out what you want to say so you can organize your thoughts and feelings. Some people prefer to tell their loved ones face to face, while others would rather send an email or make a phone call. Whatever way you choose, be sure to come out at a time when you’re not angry or arguing with someone. Also keep in mind that if you receive a negative or less than accepting response, this is just their initial reaction; they may need additional time to process what you’ve shared with them.
Coming out is never easy. It may be difficult and awkward at first, but it will ultimately bring you joy and free you from the burden of hiding an integral part of you who are.
If you’re looking for support and guidance on coming out as an LGBTQA adult, a licensed mental health professional can help. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule an appointment to talk.
The LGBTQ movement has made some landmark strides in the past decade. The “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, health insurance discrimination has been prevented, and same-sex marriage has been legalized nationwide. This, in combination with greater awareness and visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in society and the media, […]
The LGBTQ movement has made some landmark strides in the past decade. The “Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, health insurance discrimination has been prevented, and same-sex marriage has been legalized nationwide. This, in combination with greater awareness and visibility of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people in society and the media, has helped LGBTQ teens find the courage to come out to their families and friends.
Though it is easier for teens to come out today than in generations past, that does not mean they do not need support, and plenty of it. Here are a few important ways you can support LGBTQ teens in coming out:
1. Encourage Authenticity
There are different levels of coming out. Some teenagers may find the courage to say the words, yet still have a hard time fully expressing themselves. If left unchecked, this muted self-expression can lead to anxiety and depression down the road. Try to find ways to let young people in your life know they can be 100% authentic around you.
2. Help Create Safe Spaces
Take a look around your local community to see if there are safe spaces for LGBTQ youth. If not, what can you do to change that? You might want to consider contacting school board officials and encourage them to adopt inclusive policies. Another way to ensure your community is safe for LGBTQ teens is to not tolerate hate speech. There are also many resources online that offer the best practices in creating safe spaces for LGBTQ youth.
3. Join the Fight
Though the LGBTQ movement has come a long way, there is still much that needs to be done to ensure full LGBTQ equality. You can join the fight and stay up-to-date on local, state and federal advocacy.
If you know an LGBTQ teen who needs some extra support and encouragement while coming out, you might suggest they speak with a professional counselor who can facilitate communication with family members and also offer coping tools and strategies.